Its fine with me...

2009-10-04T09:49:00.000-07:00

God, You cannot drift away at this time. I need You, I really do.

2009-10-03T06:50:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to comment on anything. I've prayed. I've prayed for you too. I just have to bear for another few months. I guess I've started to hate you alot because of her comments. I feel injustice on her part, who are you, a 14 year old girl, to insult her? But she told me not to care, she told me to ignore, just like what she's doing. I'm controlling. And for your information, your blog is the least of my concern. Thank you for that person for standing up. Because you're too immature, and you're too blinded. Worst, you've blinded your friends, what a terrible act. If Mr Chan will be blinded too so be it, if he has prayed, if God leads him, he shouldn't be taken i. I believe he's not so gullible.

For clarification purposes, I've cried, yes i did when he was singing. It wasn't because I'm touched, or I'm happy, its just because I feel... well, terrible seeing a guy who doesn't know whats happening, and can go around.... I shouldn't mention.

I promised myself not to show my feelings during mid autumn, I'm tired, yes I am. Exhausted, its difficult to step out and walk away. Yet, I've survived on my own. Yes I am proud of myself.

Sometimes I wish God would do some justice, but well, I wont insult or comment. That is what IMMATURE and NAIVE people do. That is what little children do. But I'm not, so i won't care. I feel so tired, yet I'm gonna walk on, perservere, love and embrace each day by God's grace. There's nothing I can do, but there's nothing my God CANNOT do. So long as I survive it, I'm already a winner. And I'm already a winner today by not mentioning your name on my blog, not cursing you, and accepting whatever you say. If I love God, this is what I should do. This is what I'm doing.

Mr Chan can decide for his life. I can decide for mine. I no longer care if he's standing on my side. I've already heard my verdict a few days ago. Its okay that I'm disappointed. I have God deciding my life. I don't care if he's seeing this post. SO WHAT?! So what if he's standing on your side, its none of my concern!

2009-09-29T06:41:00.000-07:00

So long as I know.

Songs can be good sometimes. Thanks again for the CDs, I promise I'll save up to buy the latest one for myself.

I remember blasting songs from my handphone on your birthday. I'm glad too, that many remember and make it a point to do things which I cannot bring myself to do. I guess it was mixed feelings when I recieved the sms, I did not expect one to come. Still, I was more afraid than anything.

Again, I felt the same way when you came onto the classroom. I felt a pull back, then fear and relief. Though I still felt a tinge of jealousy, and maybe envy, that a year ago, the same thing happened. You called her instead of me. Yet now, I can't even imagine myself talking face to face with you. I remember all the detours i have to make when I see you.

I wonder when will I be able to treat you nomally again, I wonder when you will be able to see through what I pretend to be;
SIMPLY BECAUSE NO ONE DOES.

By the way, F1 has been great (: PLEASE FEED ME WITH YOUR RUBBISH :D Thanks for spending the night with me, Miss Rubbish :D

I've enough of being emotional this whole 2 weeks. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I'm quitting. So happy Beatrice is here again :D

2009-09-23T08:59:00.000-07:00

To Vera Lee Hern Hwei of my class:
Thanks for the sms. (: I'm sorry I'm such a bitch today. Maybe its my affected mood since morning. I know its not easy planning, and I'm a bitch to make it worse. But still, I saw your posts and haha, I didn't know my humor worked. So here's a sorry and I hope our mid-autumn thing will be better than fries. (:

To Joey Lye Si Yin of my class:
Thanks for the sms(: I didn't say I want to pangseh you. I just said I hoped to be with Tiange. LOL, don't emo and don't die in an accident.

To Liew KarHui of my class:
Jiayou tommorow, Miss Liew, i know it isn't easy. I'll be there tommorow for you. Get it over and done with and you have my support all the way. (: Remember to pray for the courage to change the things you can!

To the person who bought me the Corinne May CDs:
You're the very best friend I have. Thanks for knowing all my soft spots and giving me my very own mickey surprise (:

To Miss you-know-who-you-are:
I don't know how to cook. Thanks for your belated sms (: Thanks for saying you'll be there tommorow. Thanks for saying its any normal Thursday.

And to YOU:
Thanks for screwing up my day. Thanks for screwing up tommorow.

And to my very dearest God:
Thank you for everyone you have sent during my piano exam. (: Thanks for everything. I love You, I really do. (: Help me tommorow, please.

I'm sorry I was a bitch today, I'm sorry for being a bitch tommorow.

2009-09-20T07:51:00.000-07:00

No, Mr Liar, I don't love you anymore.

First of all, I would like to proudly announce that I've broken my campaign because of the West Coast Outing today. When I went up the "whatever you call it" I just kept screaming "OMGs" and "SHIT". Its okay. I still loved the whole outing (; I love the flying fox and piggybacks (:

Secondly, my gratitude goes out to *you know it* for offering comfort when I needed it the most. For listening to all I have to complain about. I am so sorry I couldn't control my emotions. Guess I was just so tired I didn't have the strength anymore. Mr Tan was so funny, he came and randomly said, "She's a good girl." even when he didn't know me. Thank you for agreeing with him and saying he's right, it brought a genuine smile to my face. Thank you for saying one thing that mattered to me the most, "No matter what others' think, you will still be the Beatrice that laughs with me and do crazy stuffs with me." It made me feel "wanted" in Nan Hua. You are a very special girl, so don't be sad anymore. I know God has much better plans for you. (:

I never have remembered crying so much in a day. I felt so shallow, but spending time alone was helpful in a way. I didn't know crying can result in a hangover the next day.

I'm not writing all this to gain compassion, or try to get some people to "sympathize" with me. I don't need all this, especially some people who claim that they are mature. Come on, you're an adult who isn't mature.

I don't know how I'm gona survive. Yet, I know, I just know that nothing will happen on 24.09.09. No, nothing will happen.

2009-09-17T07:45:00.001-07:00

For the liberty of some people, my blog is NOT privated anymore to prove that I am not emotional neither have I contracted some terminal internet disease that keeps you all from reading my blog.

I didn't dare to say, but if MrMun ever sees this, then sorry. I guessed I was a little "no manners" again today. Boo.

Anyway, he also said that he read my blog before. Nan Hua teachers are all so... It's all because of slitting. MY FAULT.

Karhui:
Jiayou! It takes time to let go so don't E-M-O. I know you love eating garlic, so eat him all up. :D I totally agree with your prayer in the journal. Haha, His wisdom be upon you (:

Vera:
ARTIST! Don't give up because of one test kay? You're a strong girl I know so this means nothing to you. Smile more okay? Mdm Wang hugged you today.. feel loved! :D

Jethro:
If you already get well then this is quite useless, but GET WELL SOON anyway! Must come to school and don't skip chinese test!

Iris:
Ignore what I asked you today, just me...

My piano exam is coming, but I'm not prepared at all. Music, you caught me offguard. I don't like this. I don't.

For your information, I am not the least bit jealous of YOUR relationship, just don't lead him onto the wrong path, it wasn't easy for him to start off. Stop using my name all the time as a hilarious jealousy joke, please?

Why must I know the truth? This isn't going the way I planned, not my intention. I hate the way the story had to be twisted. Perhaps God is showing all of us something. Like what I've learnt, just wait. Still, I'll continue to pray and pray and pray, all that I can do, in hope that everyone can feel better. I agree with what Crystal says, I feel just like a post-it. God God God, please do something will You?

I can't take rock, heavy metal, or even some pop music, its either I'm yours or not. I've criterias, I hope you respect them. I cannot accept satanic music, I hope you accept that to be my friend. By the way Mr Mun, Tiange doesn't listen to satanic music or heavy metal (:

2009-07-27T08:30:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday!

Probably a short one here before I rush to bed. It's quite late already. Happy Birthday mummy! Hope you liked your present. And get well soon mummy and Benjamin :D

Maybe today I'm in a better mood, the chocolate mousse cake did help, chocolate is happy food. Although I didn't score well for my tests today, I knew I've worked hard, and that was all that matters. I sound like a philosopher, thanks to he few people who brainwashed my mind. And before I forget, James is an irritating but funny boy. There, I made my statment (:

Like what I said, I'm beginning to start to accept things, after another huge crying session with me and myself on the bus, I've decided that I have to drop this negative mindset. It's affecting those around me too. I'll try my best to be nice to the people around me, just like Jesus do. I still remember the lyrics!

To change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

2009-07-18T08:29:00.001-07:00

Photography is an art.

I might as well be down, but I'm up by God's grace! On Friday I was terribly sick. I would've possibly died while climbing up the stairs to Malay. Thank God there was King. (: And then on the bus I didn't know why I was just staring and crying and crying. Something must be wrong with me, maybe it was because of my fever and my heart felt like it was being squashed. Didn't know why I did, I also didn't know how I got down the bus. When I reached home I was really dead, I didn't know why I felt that complete surge of faith disappear, and I was asking myself how in the world can I ask my dad about Festival of Praise. Then something really funny happened. My mum called and talked really wuliao stuff. I was irritated because I wanted to get some rest. Then AuntieAgnes called, and I just said "HELLO" in the most irritated tone because I thought it was my mum again. Ohgosh, it was so scary! And my mum had to come back home and make me cry all over again, I didn't know I was such a daughter.

On the lighter side, my dad allowed me to go for Festival of Praise. Which is a miracle compared to last year's big disappointment. I thank God for His grace(: Sometimes admist all the storms, I can still see God. Wonderful.
Sanctuary-
When my world was in darkness
You spoke Your word
Night turned into day
Your beauty filled this place
When my world stood in silence
You filled my heart
With songs that never end
Forever I will praise
Pre-chorus
To think that the universe
Could not withhold Your glory
You choose to live in me
I'm so amazed
Chorus
(and) I worship you Lord
My life in You restored
Here is my heart
Make it Your sanctuary
For nobody else
But Jesus only (You)
Bridge
You are faithful and true
Glorious lord
All my life
It is You I adore
You've touched my soul
Completed my world I surrender to You
Beautiful. This whole song really depicts what I'm feeling now. I don't know, this whole period seemed to loom over my world, but God pierced through. I used to have this idea, that if my life was bad enough, God will notice me. Maybe He will.

Photography has already become a passion. They say you can kill a parrot without a stone, I say you can love photography without a camera. Contradicting, but still possible. Just like most of the world. Alot of people say they love photography, but in actual fact, how many of them can do it well. I've seen Mr See(?)'s photos, and they are just so... perfect. He really has a flair for photography. Little has talent, and I'm learning, because I sadly, have no talent. I've seen a few others, who really can take photographs, with stories to tell. I think auntieSaylian's one is also very good (: You should really see the photos she took (: All got quality derh! (: There's another guy, I forgot his name, I think he adopts a good angle. Since I'm not an artist, I shall work hard to be a photographer (:

2009-07-15T08:12:00.000-07:00

You blinded me.

I dont know why I'm posting here. I'm supposed to be still in the "emotional" mode. I thank Karhui and Joey and others for always being there, like two afternoons ago and this morning. I'm sorry that I still cannot control my feelings. I bet I look pathetic there, crying all the time. I'm sorry for burdening all of you with the responsibility to sms or msn him. I can't bring myself to do any of that, yet I'm so torn between decisions. I thank Karhui for assuring me that she would have msned him even if I didnt ask.

Photoshoot was okay, and then the 5 of us had to go for another photoshoot, which was comparatively lame. Still, the laughters helped to release alot of tension inside.

I dont know what's wrong with Beatrice. Am I really becoming so emotional? What's wrong with me? Am I really still not over him? Why do my tears become unstoppable?

2009-07-12T07:38:00.000-07:00

I'm going off, don't you miss me.

Sweet denial, maybe I've been living in it for too long. I've always thought my change was good this year, when I force myself to forget about him and everything that happened last year, and move on with my life to be nonchalant about everything that is around me. I thought it was good, although it was definitely not easy. But I did realise something: I was just avoiding the problems by asking God to "give me time" to adjust to life without thinking about me. True, God did give me the time, probably more than I've expected, but I didn't break through. All I did was to hide things deep inside and just went on with life. Joey said she missed last year's me. At first, I could hardly believe it since I could most probably make it to the "Most Bitchy Girl" award last year, I'd thought I've improved this year, poking less into businesses I can't care about, talking less about him, being more secured to my faith and trying to drop off my very bad attitude of life. It was not at all easy, I still went back sometimes to slitting, but I thought at the very least, he wasn't in my life anymore. However, I've probably fell into the category of Social Distancing(?). I couldn't care about rumors and all, which are what normal teens do. I've not been "my age" at all. Like how she puts it, I'm "living in my own world", just because I told God to give me time and all I did was run away from my problems.

I made a decision today, I'll leave my world of illusion. I don't know what the road in front will bring, but it's time I made a decision, giving myself "time" had hurt so many other people. Acting nonchalant and out-of-this-world hurt others. I don't want to do that anymore, God asked us to be a blessing, then probably its time for a new environment for me. Maybe you can say I'm tired of all these, which I really am, I'm tired of him. Everything about him holds me down and chains me down so much. I can't even walk past the 2nd level of Nan Hua in a sound mind, and that sounds terrible. I can't even have a peaceful PE lesson on Thursdays and Fridays without looking around. "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give you. I do not give you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be discouraged and do not be afraid." John 14:27 If I can't even have peace, then where does God stand in my life? If I can't have peace the way I am now, then maybe it's time for a CHANGE. Who says Change is bad? (:

I thank God for telling me all these today during Praise and Worship, I thank Him for His presence. If this environment is chaining me down even more, then why not change it? I'm gonna focus and focus. No more distractions, I promise. So many times when I study I dont make it a point to do it well, but I'm gonna do it well now.

2009-07-10T08:34:00.000-07:00

No, not anymore.

No intentions of trying to be like some people who post "emo" stuff on their blog to make themselves look so pitiful and sorrowful. I hope this picture conveys a sense of betrayal.

I've seen so many situations of betrayal these few days. Its more than I actually can take, how people actually betray others' trust, dignity and respect. I must say that I'm not disappointed in you, we did'nt even start, and I doubt we will ever again. Maybe its just me, but I thought at least you were true and not courting so many people at the same time, I hate to be mean here, but I'm happy we did'nt start. I thought you will be the answer to my question, and maybe you'll one day take over and mend the hole he made in my heart, but I'm glad God gave me the wisdom not to say the "yes", or I would have been hurt again for nothing.

So many tests, and I didn't score well for them. I must still say, thanks to all who were there on Thursday, even though I did not cry because of the test. Some others knew better. Once bitten twice shy, just I wasn't shy enough, but I'll learn.

I guess the only reflection I have of Thursday is what Mr Mun said during PC lesson. He said we didn't come together by chance, it was God who did all the planning. Sometimes I really do wonder why God brings some people into my life who either seem irritating, nonsenscial, causing me pain, or simply not my "type". I often question God why He brought you into my life, and maybe its because I'm suppose to learn everytime you hurt me, or even everytime you say something that makes me feel like slitting. But I realised over these few months that you dont seem to matter much anymore. Yes, I still feel the sting, but you seemed to have drifted far away from both my sight and my mind. Sometimes when I stare into the mid-air, I no longer seem to recall your face, or anything of yours. You become scarily distant, so far away. I sometimes wonder if you're still in my life. I dont know why there's this foreign feeling of missing the hurts.

Camera, Camera where are you? Why won't you let me shoot the skies so blue and the grass so green?

2009-07-07T07:09:00.000-07:00

What would I do if I lost you

Just a thought came up to my mind just now. I really am taking things for granted. What if I lost you someday? What if I lost the people I love and care for? I dont think I'll be able to live through my night without my soft toys, then how much more will I miss the people. I cant imagine living my life without some people in this world. I think I'll most probably kill myself in no time too. Treasure; Im learning.

I read my kiddy book on Mother Teresa today. My mum left it on my table and said she didnt want to give it to the Salvation Army because I said I wanted it. I read through and thought of me living her life. I dont think I'll ever be able to stand washing a leper's wounds without gloves and walking into slums to save people who are dying on the streets. Then I notice something peculiar, if we look closely enough, Mother Teresa is always willing to take care of the dying people. Wouldnt most of us want to save those people who "still have a chance to live?" I thought about it over and over, and realised thats where Mother Teresa is beautiful. She isnt beautiful because of her white and blue lined sari, but because she loves the poorest of the poor. The dying are the people poorest of life, and whats more, they have to die on the streets, dreaming of themselves being eaten up by rats. She does not take in the dying just for what we call as "last minute conversions", but she wants as more people to die with the peace of God, knowing that God called them back for His reason, and He didnt want them to suffer anymore. Her beauty also brought more ministries into serving God with a common purpose. Most of all, I am stunned by Mother Teresa's spirit. She doesnt use gloves when treating a leper's wounds. She wants every one to be touched, even though they might be "unclean". Just like how we all need touch, a very special gift from God. It can be in physical ways or spiritual ways, either makes us feel really loved and comforted. I didnt realise a "kiddy book" could teach me so much.

Im gonna work hard for God. Believe me, Im gonna work hard, even though i hardly have the strength, I'll derive my determination from the grace of God!

2009-07-06T07:15:00.000-07:00

Happy Birhday to all who's birthday is here ;)

Happy Birthday to Abby today! (:

I realised that too many people's birthday falls on July, and they all happen to be church people. So i shall be nice and upload the photo we took at Centre (: I realise i look funny when i bend down. And why did I even bend down? Because that aunty Saylian standing behind me is too short and I have to be nice so her face would not be blocked. You have not thanked me yet aunty Saylian (:

I went down to help the special kids today They're really cute and nice (: And the 4 Sec2's who came down to help rawked! (: Adelia, ME, Junwei and Marcus. :D Then after that I went out with that person loh. And then she kept hanging the big fat umbrella on my nice little backpack.( She accepted the unbrella from aunty Agnes, so its not completely my fault for mentioning the word"umbrella":P ) Who is this girl? *scratches her head. Ohyeah, its that aunty Saylian AGAIN. Hahaha, we went and roamed Vivo. Ben and Jerry's are cool. And I havent paid the ice cream money yet! Okay, i mean she's really a nice person (: Im complimenting, be honoured! (: And she's taller than Adelia Tan at the very least. (: She is a nice person even though she keep putting the umbrella everywhere. Hahaha, thank you for wasting time with me today, hearing me rant out everything,and being a nice short person who plays around with me even though im a mean girl (:

I have a real setpiece drum in my house (: But not enough motivation for me to pick up drums again. I think i've wasted enough time, lets go on a revival (:

2009-07-05T07:45:00.000-07:00

I see a woman of faith in you.

I was clearing my Chinese New Year photos, when I came across this picture. It was one I took in a hurry because of the assignement Jitseng and I set out to do- to create a video for the family. I remembered what happened in this house. Everytime I step into this house of my grandaunt( i suppose so), I will never fail to have this familiar sense of closeness and familiarity in this house. Nothing so much because the house looks like mine, but because of this altar that is set. I see a familiar one in my house, and I never fail to gaze at this when I step in on Chinese New Year visits. I remembered in 2008 when Shizhen came, we were supposed to go to visit this old family again. But I avoided it, because I knew what we always do, Praise and Worship, prayover for healing etcetc. To some extent, I dreaded it, so I happily made up an excuse to skip it. But i remembered how guilty I was when my brothers told me what happened there. I could have been there to pray for this old couple, especially this grandaunt(?) of mine. I always see a great woman of faith in her. She is in so much trouble, she can easily choose to be bitter, but she always remains happy, and I will never forget her pushcart of NewYear goodies. She always trusts God and follows the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Thats something I hear from her all the time, her numerous testimonies on how God has shown His mercy and grace on this elderly couple. Even though her husband is sick, she'll still try her best to bring him fro services. That i think itelf is already worth so much more in the eyes of God. Every year I see an ageing her, but I never notice much, because I remember myself sitting furthest away all the time because I want to distance myslef away from my holy big family. But this year when Im forced to film down the whole procedure, I see so much miracles happening. I see a family who is bonded by the grace of God. I never paid much attention during songs, most just lift my hands during prayers when there's a need, but i've learnt and felt th miracles so much more through this year. But I thank God this year for a chance to do photo shooting, and I see such an altar in her house, most importantly, I see a woman with great faith, who tells me more than, "You've grown already!". Photoshoots make you more aware, and make you feel more assured of God's blessings.

I've learnt alot over these past few days.
Happy Birthday Benjamin!
Happy Birthday Minting!
Happy Birthday to all!
July is a busy month (: Im preparing to lose money! Had a great time joking with church people today. Love tiptoeing to show how tall Im going to be. Im going to be taller than mummy and AuntieSaylian. Watch out :P Im already taller than Adelia. YAY (:

2009-06-26T07:49:00.000-07:00

You're the reason I'm holding on; you're my morning star.

So many things happened, and i do thank God that I've been at home at least. I am so tired, so I reckon nothing inspiring will be coming out of what I'm typing today (by the way, I don't type inspiring things, Zhangteng (:)

I have witness so many things, and I'm so confused. I wish sometimes that God would let me take His position for a day and let me change things for the better. Its so difficult, and I know that I would have to be.. But, there's no use mopping around and saying how much life sucks, I still have to go on with it. No way out.

Matthew 9:20-22 (New International Version)
20Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. 21She said to herself, "If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed."
22Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment.
I wish someone would read this.

It dawned on me how little faith I have, and how many times I've said I want to give up. How many times I just tell myself that no one would know if i ever lay that penknife on my hand. I dont want to be a letdown; I tell myself that all the time, but I keep failing.

Suddenly I dont want school to start. I have enough things on my hand now, and i suddenly feel that school is not a choice of a breakaway anymore. I would rather just be contented with my own fair share of problems now rather than to handle another huge pile coming my way. School homework, I've finished most of it and i dont want to care anymore. I want a BREAKAWAY now.

I say, "Hey man, its still raining."

2009-06-23T07:13:00.000-07:00

Only if you would.

I had a great time with Mindy Wong Mann today. I had a great and awesome time, even despite the call from M Qiu(?) saying that Cultural Camp is postponed. Mindy Wong eats slow, slower than a snail, but I still had a fantabulous time with her. I miss primary times, and Im glad Mindy Wong Mann still remembers me. (:

Plus point: More time for homework, more time for miracles. Not missing church.
Minus point: (For me to know for you to find out!). No breakaway.
Look at the plus or minus. But because God told me to trust His timing, im going to look positive. For God said He had a reason for everything under the Sun. Everything is in His hands, including H1N1. So people with little faith (me), trust in God (:

Tommorow is a great day, because it will be better than today. I believe that today's disappointments only holds as a sparkle of hope for tommorow.

Im jealous no more. I am jealous no more!

2009-06-21T08:13:00.000-07:00

Happy Dad's Day!

Chains, profound boundaries.

Im back for more action (Joey). I hardly find the time to blog, its been a long time since i last set my eyes on the Blogger webpage and keyed in my email and password! I love this picture i took at the Marina Barrage. Its the fire hydrant (bet you didn't know it was!). Its beautiful, how the simple chains can gather and form up such a beautiful picture that intentions spread so profoundly. Contented with this picture alone (:

Things happen in a blur. Today, I did my first full mass. Boy, I screwed up so many things! My mum abducted my bag away :( Today is fathers day and so HAPPY FATHER'S DAY! My dear daddy! (L) You're the best dad I can ever have despite .. Hahaha, but you're still my special daddy (: I remember this picture we took (:

I am spending my last few days of the holiday filled with going out and homework. Gosh, my homework's not done! Too many things, too little time. How I wish I can have a normal life, then I would not suffer so much ;(

2009-06-16T07:37:00.000-07:00

Just as it is, I see beauty.

I've came back from KL! Its a relief to be back home here, and I missed the way things were. I am now sunburnt so badly just after MacRitchie. Wow, red indian. The photo above has nothing to do with this trip. I think its a few trips back.

What can I say? I've realised, at this point of time, no words can aptly describe my feelings. Not that I am down to my pits or anything, Im not exactly sad, but its just a point of time that even words are inadequate for emotions. All I can say is that to realize, you need time. Time away from everything and all distractions. Although its hard to put down everything I am thinking of now, in order to really go before God i guess there are still lots to do.

Like what I said today (to Jiahui I think), impossible is nothing. Opening up is not impossible, so long as you find the right person. I thank God for sending down someone so special for me when I was so in need. Again, many things in life are not impossible. Where your dreams are, there you will be. All you need is faith to bring you to where you want to be, and God's blessings.

2009-06-12T07:23:00.000-07:00

Hug my heart, wont you?

I'll be going to Malaysia tomorrow. I dont even feel like going, even if that means skipping organ for church. I dread the endless amount of visitings, and staying in the same room as my whole family. Im too used to be the last ome sleeping and the first one waking up in my own room.

I went out for the whole day for productive work today. And me and my mum met auntiesaylian at Tiong, i shouted her name so loudly, and we ended up having more time outside, so when's our next holy outing? (:

I will miss alot of stuff when I go Malaysia, but yet, i still look forward to the endless "buy buy buy!". I havent finish homework that is due tommorow. Might as well kill me, but Im far too tired, too lazy. Homework is tough.

Note to self: There's Band tommorow. Wake up early to do homework. Do devotions everyday. Enjoy myself in KL.

Sing, when I lose myself.

2009-06-11T06:52:00.000-07:00

Take Time To Realise.

Im back after a longlong break. There has been retreat and everything. I shall not elaborate much but retreat was awesome! It was good bonding too, for all of us. If there was one thing that struck me most, it was the some Jeremiah introduced that day.

Corrine May- Fly away.

When will you be home?" she asks
as we watch the planes take off
We both know we have no clear answer
to where my dreams may lead
She's watched me as I crawled and stumbled
As a child, she was my world
And now to let me go, I know she bleeds
and yet she says to me

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be praying every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away

Autumn leaves fell into spring time and
Silver-painted hair
Daddy called one evening saying
"We need you. Please come back"
When I saw her laying in her bed
Fragile as a child
Pale just like an angel taking flight
I held her as I cried

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be praying every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away

Even though this would not be the best song to relate to my family, or even my mum, i can feel it happening. So many times, I'm afraid things will happen. Although i know things happen for a reason in God's time, but to some extent, im even afraid of finding out God's reason (if something happened). But i know she'll always be there for me, even though words hardly ever come out of her mouth, but i know she prays for me all the time. Its unspeakable assurance, that even though my world is falling apart, she'll be there for me.
Father
And
Mother
I
Love
You

After
Marriage
I
Leave
You.

I want a complete family, i want FAMILY, not AMILY. Although im aware of things happening now, i always will pray that God will keep this special family of mine together. God knows, God knows.

I do look up to people who still live under the wings of their family. But i do respect parents that have the courage to go. I will not find it easy if I have to let go of my children when they grow up. Meanwhile, I do acknowlege that my parents have been letting go a little this year. I do thank them!

Camp was great with lots of bonding, and I do see the little little benefits of attending mass everyday! "The harvest is plenty, but the workers are few..." How many churches in Singapore cater daily service? But how many people actually do go for it. Im really guilty for this, because I've never been to daily mass, till this camp.

I have lots of things undone. And i really love to push things away, and hide them till they cannot be hidden anymore. I have lots of homework undone and thats the truth that i cannot hide anymore. So i do ask God to give me the time and the wisdom to complete them all.

I'll be away from late Saturday till Monday. I will miss everyone. Especially church-as adapted from Theodora. (:

Sometimes the simplest things make a difference. Some time the littlest blessings make the biggest difference. I fail to see blessings too often in my life. Its time there's a change in my life. I've said this too often, yet too lazy to make a constant effort. But i will today, with the help of my Master of course, Im going to impact, because everyone is made to do so, and it isnt good to run away from God's calling I've learnt through too many mistakes made. Respond to God, and make God proud. So I will make efforts from today. I will first study and study, and make everyone proud of me. (:

Through tears and not laughter, we grow to become a person with values, because we learn, because we promise ourselves not to be a disappointment anymore. We grow to see our flaws, not others. We grow to see what we lack, and not what we already have in life. God puts problems in our live for a reason and Im proud of every problem that I've had, Im having and I will have. Because when we're sad we cry, and when we're happy we laugh. But I know, how is it to feel like when you have to laugh, not with tears in your eyes, but with tears flowing down. The feelings, how they have to be submerged by that forced smile of yours. Just like how you push yourself, not to your limits, but over your limits. When you know you dont have the potential to soar, but you cling on just because of the people you love. Because you'll rather see smiles on their faces, not tears. it doensnt matter if you hurt, because they are smiling. And God sees your efforts. It pays off even though you end up with a broken heart, because others' smiles are already a remedy to your pain. Even though you'll love to give up and tell everyone how much you are hurting, but you hang on just to see the smiles appearing on their faces. Only one word can aptly describe this truth: Bittersweet.

I'll live for You and You only.

2009-06-07T07:52:00.000-07:00

Hey! Im bored and im going to do the quizzes that i owe people.

Yorksun's Facebook Quiz.
1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
Penknife (?)
2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Alot of things (ask those who came to my house before)
3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?
Talk.
4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
Worship and Oldies (?)
5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
Evening ( i think its 6 plus )
6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
Confidential!
7. WHAT/WHOM DO YOU MISS?
Aiyo. Private and Confidential.
8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?
God. God. God.
9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
Im taller than Adelia. (: (Hah!)
10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Yeah I guess.
11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
Sometimes.
12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Dont feel like saying leh!
13. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
Dont feel like saying too!
14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
BLUE! Brown!
15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO?
God's in control of my future, not me.
16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
Coffee.( Hah, auntiesaylian! )
17. FAVORITE PIZZA?
Hawaiian (:
18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Chocolates! ( and make Low Jie Fei jealous! )
19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?
Silver, Brown, Gray, Orange (and every color under the sun )
20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
NO!
21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED?
Dont feel like telling thw world :P
22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
Maybe, maybe not! (:
23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?\
NO!
24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
Abit alot arh. (Ask the people who went shopping withme before :P)
25. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE FEMALE/MALE CELEBRITY?
GOD! (:
26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?
I dont see why pets are so "cute".
27. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
Love knows no boundaries (Just like pollution :D Haha, Miss Wong)
28. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SCENT?
Dont want tell you :P (not lavender for sure)
.29. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED.
24!
30. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Blonde.
31. FAVORITE QUOTE?
Faith to move mountains; Take time to realise; God is more than ABLE!
32. FAVORITE PLACE?
Heaven.
33. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?
I stay in Singapore.
34. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Wavering Faith. And much more.
35. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?
I only want to meet God!
36. FIRST JOB?
Breathe.
37. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Yeah. (Super FUN!)
38. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOULMATE?
Duh, im a brilliand candidate! (Chosen liao).
39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
Reading.
40. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY?
Nope.
41. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
You're not numb.
42. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?
No.
43. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dont tell you :P.
44. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT AND THEIR NAMES?
Future to leave it to God. Haha, Faith, Joy, Cherylann. ( More but BEATRICE IS A GREAT NAME (:)
45. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yes, there's a Saint called Beatrice and there's a princess Beatrice (Of course, im the AWESOME BEATRICE (:)
46. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
(?)
47. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU LIKED ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?
Dont know.
48. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?
NuSkin (?)
49. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
So small, like ants crawling like that.
50. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Chicken, Beef, any meat is nice (:
51. ANY BAD HABITS?
NUMBNUMB.
.52. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?
Yes.
53. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Duh, who wouldnt want to be friends with the AWESOME BEATRICE?!
54. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?
No.
55. DO LOOKS MATTER?
To some extent.
56. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Penknife (?)
.57. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS?
Duh. That Benedict and Benjamin..
58. WHAT'S YOUR MAIN GOAL IN LIFE?
Heart to God, hand to man. Be a blessing to others especially those who really need it.
59. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE MEMORY AS A CHILD?
Outings!
60. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE??
How do you check that?
61. WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID?
OF COURSE Barnety is cute!
62. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Sometimes.
63. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?
Both are equally delicious (:
64. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Guy: Loving, Caring, has the same goals, outlooks and principles as me, respect.
Girl: Caring, anyone nice, has the same principles as me.
65. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Too many to count. But i love BEAT RICE the most (followed me since P3!)
.66. IF YOU HAD A SUPER POWER WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Read and Change minds. Empowering others to be a blessing.
67. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?
I dont really watch TV.
68. WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR ENEMIES?
Be a blessing to them.
69. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Too many! But i like Green Tea.
70. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES?
Um yeah ._.
71. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?
No comps in room allowed!
.72. PLANS FOR TONIGHT?
Sleep.
73. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE WHEN YOU ARE OLDER?
Anywhere that needs me.
74. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
If they want to.
75. LAST THING YOU ATE?
Dinner (?)
.76. LAST THING YOU DRANK?
Coconut stuff.
77. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
I think its ... (dont tell you :P).
78. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Face (?)
79. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
Love God more!
80. FAVORITE THING TO HATE?
Nothing.
81. FAVORITE SEASON OF THE YEAR?
Winter.
82. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF CANDY?
Dont like candy.
83. HAVE YOU EVER REALLY HAD A BEST FRIEND?
Duh. (OhmyTiange)
84. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?
Black, Red Brown. (according to the girls)
85. EYE COLOR?
Black
.86. SHOE SIZE?
Who bothers?
.87. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
Subway.
88. FAVORITE RESTAURANT?
Too many. Earl Swensens not bad.
89. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
DUH!
90. WATCH TV TODAY?
A little. Some advert.
91. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
11th Dec, 12th April (only for this year), 25th Dec.
92. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS?
Yeah, i dont feel like naming out.
93. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT?
God.
94. KISSES OR HUGS?
Both.
95. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Relationships duh.
96. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
Sweetalk with MSP:D
97. WOULD YOU EVER BE A HOUSEWIFE?
Nope (but i do admire my mum all the same).
98. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
Quite a few at hand!
99. DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE LIFE?
I LOVE GOD AND GOD AND GOD AND I LOVE EVERYONE GOD LOVES.
My fav part! Sabo people!:
Joey
Crystals (includint that Low Jie Fei)
Iris
(im out of names)

Another quiz from Yorksun the Great.
This is called 50 FIRST REACTIONS. Type what comes to your mind FIRST whenever you see these 50 words. Don't think and don't go back and change. Doesn't matter how random it is, just type it! Repost it for all of your (bored) friends.
1. Beer:
Sont like the taste.
2. Food:
Chocolate.
3. Relationships:
Serious and loving.
4. Your crush:
God!
5. Power Rangers:
Lame.
6. Life:
is full of blessings
7. The President:
is ME!
8. Yummy:
Chocolates
9. Cars:
Everything in the world! Things like BMW ;)
10. Movies:
Long time never watch alr!
11. Halloween:
Creepy (?)
12. Sex:
Female.
13. Religion:
AHAH. You know it ;) I think its the best thing in this world. I LIVE FOR GOD!
.14. Hate:
Unforgiveness.
15. Fear:
Numb. Unforgiveness, Alone. PENKNIFE.
16. Marriage:
Long way to go!
17. Blondes:
are nice:D
18. Slippers:
cant be worn in church!
19. Shoes:
Converse :D
20. Asians:
are not simple minded
21. Pass time:
(?)
22. One night stand:
(?)
23. My cell phone:
Is crucially important!
24. Smoke:
Is terribly bad.
25. Fantasy:
My life;)
26. College:
God decides!
27. High school life:
Tiring.
28. Pyjamas:
dont wear them
29. Stars:
One of the best creations God crafted.
.30. Center:
of ym life IS GOD!
.31. Alcohol:
is bad for health.
32. The word love:
is why I live. Because God loves me and I love God!
33. Friends:
Important.
34. Money:
Worldly temptation.
35. Heartache:
too often.
36. Time:
is crucial.
37. Divorce:
is what im afraid of in my life. God made men and women to be together for life, so that they will be able to serve Him better as one.
38. Dogs:
are not cute.
39. Undies:
(?)
40. Parents:
are my life to, 'cuz they are God-sent in my life.
41. Babies:
God's creation.
42. Ex:
Expensive.
43. Song:
are what i want to express.
44. Color:
i just said it in the last quiz.___.
45. Weddings:Cikgu's wedding!
46. Pizza:
Hawaiian.
47. Hangout:
(?).
Rest:
is not needed. We only need to rest in God (:
.49. Goal:
Non numb!
50. Inspiration:
My Master, My Creator, My All in All (:
Same people as the last quiz

I hand pain already :(
Today was mad rush. Went for church, then rushed off to drop off at Uncle's place, then went to MRT station and meet with the not-so-tall Jeslyn Ang. Then we waited a longlong time. missed the bus stop and walked. We saw Miss Kee and then she sat there. Then Patrick they all still missing in action. I saw something funny today (: tTook pictures, ate. And waited for the people who were late. Finally, they came. (: Then we mingled around. Took even more pictures. Then we went off, for somemore fun. Our teambuilding games plan failed (looks at YenShen). Then we went buy Sweettalk and ate at Macs. King made a bigbig mess. Then we went off for a hilarious MRT episode. Then i went home and dropped dead.

I miss someone, somethings, alot now. Its so painful to look back, when i cant find you there. Its no longer heart wrenching, but more of somebody tearing your heart apart and sewing it back. (sounds gross). I've been reading too much on heart transplants.

2009-06-06T08:15:00.000-07:00

Its me; really me.

I dont know what to say. So i shall not say much. Just that i think no one should be jealous of anything in this world because it makes you sad, and to some extent, it makes you look at your life and admit that it sucks. So, lets all keep our hearts pure, and only think positive thoughts and lets not wonder why some people are always better. Because better is never the best. And it only takes the perfect to be the best. Nobody is perfect. Unless you're the nobody, then cease your longing to be perfect. Dream on, because you'll never be. Nobody gets all of what they want in their lives.

2009-06-04T07:34:00.000-07:00

Where did you go?

Sup! Today was band, played and played, then the flutes went for lunch. Zinger is fattening. (Im forced to say so) I went home and stared and stared and slept. Im slack. I dont know why i always come online only to find myself ....its okay.

Its vexing when you keep calling a person only to find their phone engaged and stuffs. Same for life. Its vexing to see yourself knocking profusely at the door, but the Owner doesnt respond. And i dont know why i've been knocking there for so long, to find no reply, yet im unable to walk away from it. Either the Owner inside is too powerful, or im tied down by responsibilities to keep knocking till it hurts my knuckles.

I told my * some things. Of course she disagreed, like who would want their * to stop going to church. But the problem is, i dont want. I dont want religion to become a chore. Its not like im going to stop believing in God, just that i think i need to take a good break from all thats happening, before i start reacting to situations too strongly. My mum keeps insisting on no BGR. But its true, i've got no boyfriends till today. Its such a chore to kep a relationship alive unless the guy is willing to really focus on it. Teens, which guy would bother?

You know, sometimes you really want to go up and take a knife to kill all those things that screw up your life. Urgh. I figure i'll most probably kill myself off first. Things are vexing and tiring. They are a waste of time. I want to runaway.

I love fairytales. "Once upon a time.." "They live happily ever after". To immerse yourself in such lies may be blissful at times. It takes alot of your troubles off your mind.

2009-06-03T07:13:00.000-07:00

No, i dont want to hear them anymore.

Today was okay. Remedial was fun, with me eating chocolates, then it was the first time i packed food for my family. (I know im spoiled) I went on CLIPS RAMPAGE (: I dont know how many clips and stuff i got already. Went home and slept, i dont get why but im just so drained. Then piano went well, i would have bathed during church if not for my mum who insisted that: Beatrice must not show attitude to church people. As if anyone will care right. Anyway, it was my first time leading, and Adelia ended up doing everything (: Then later we found out that she left her pencil at our house. Second time!

I dont get whats the big hoo-ha over someone thats going over Canada. All i hear is about that. Its so irritating. (i figure i'll die if anyone see's this), all they do is talk day and night. Oh and i got scolded just because i assumed stuffs regarding tuition. Ohboy, like for my whole life tuition has been like that, what else do you want me to "assume"? Disgusted.

I've yet to come to a conclusion on why things are turning out like that. But this really cause me to rely purely on the little angels God sent my way. ( the thing about this is, you dont know when these meesngers of God come ). I've also noticed recently that my blog has become hot-talk. Since when was it like that? But i reallyy do express my displeasure to those who come and read, but dont leave a tag, leaves me quite annoyed though. Thats basic manners am i correct?

I've yet to start on homework. Who said a teenagers life has to revolve around studies. I've my turn to slack too! But with tuition and all, wow. But again, im not saying that im stressed, its almost never that anyone sees me stressed. Except i guess close friends. But i do really laugh at some of the blogs i see, where other's complain and all about how stressful they are, when they have nothing at all. Why not try my life then? I guess, for me, i have certain tactics to stay alive admist all these. Some of my strategies cannot be followed, unless you're keen to invest on sharp stuffs (by the way, i dont do much of them anymore these days) and if you're ready to put down your own dignity. But others, just like breaking down and all, can be helpful to life. Everyone has their own way of tackling their emotions, and i do advise all to find their own outlet but provided they all approvable in God's eyes and your own dignity. ( That is very important unless you want to live in regret) For me, life is just a journey, in which time is the distance and emotions our obstacles. To overcome the bad emotions and keep the good ones are far more important than pondering on why we're going to the destination anyway. Which is really true, once you fret over the distance, things just seems stuck, resulting in depression.

Do rely on everything that's around you, and most importantly, your most faithful charger of the day: your religion. Its really good to decide on one religion and start nurturing faith. Its vital ( without it, maybe i wont be even posting here). God can really bring out out of the deepset pits you are in. (Which is guranteed true!) I see blessings everyday, instead of thinking the blessings are merely just my own "luck", i try to see it as God's love, they're showered everywhere in my life, yours too!

Though i wouldnt say matters are solved, i must say, things look better, at least they make me think and think. And they are like slaps on the face, big ones( truth is, i dont know how strong) but at least im thinking, and i think thats the only thing that has improved. Still, TAKE TIME TO REALIZE ( like what Beatrice says!)

Im so sorry to all but my computer has some problems with the tagboard, so i cant really reply to all your tags, but thanks so much to those who bother to observe the fundemental courtesy to leave a tag!

2009-06-02T07:08:00.000-07:00

They all went away;

There's band. And Felix is funny, which of course leads me to comment on *. I know we were friends, but life doesnt go your way all the time. And when it doesnt, dont show your displeasure. You only make yourself seem like the fool in the midst of the others. I knew you wanted that, but its not his fault anyway!

Went with Yiran and caught up with her! (: ILOVEZINGER :D Then we went to do survey. I do thank God from the great response we got! We finished it faster than we expected! Then we camwhored and had great fun teasing Tiange and her Mr Dino. Went home and had tuition. My new tuition teacher loves to give homework. GOOD._______. Stress is coming my way!

Tomorrow is breakfast cum study session with my loves! (:

I love to be the photographer. You get so much more insights. (plus point: you dont appear in photos!) Plus there are many more things to how a picture is taken. Like what it says: A picture paints a thousand words. I do wonder where's the camera my daddy promised since a few months ago. I dont need to be a famous photographer to take good photos. Have you seen a shaky-hand child taking photos with a camera? That i think itself is already beautiful! And i dont think photoshop is important anymore! Natural touch is more than wonderful! I do thank all who have helped me edit photos( i know lots of you have many folders of my pictures) and especially those who beared with me to download my own version of photoshop! Manymany thanks!

Suddenly i remembered MrChan's post about the Invisible Gardener and i think its more than "very apt" at this point of time. Indeed, the garden is well-tended after all! "Two people return to their long neglected garden and find, among the weeds, that a few of the old plants are surprisingly vigorous. One says to the other, 'It must be that a gardener has been coming and doing something about these weeds.' The other disagrees and an argument ensues. They pitch their tents and set a watch. No gardener is ever seen. The believer wonders if there is an invisible gardener, so they patrol with bloodhounds but the bloodhounds never give a cry. Yet the believer remains unconvinced, and insists that the gardener is invisible, has no scent and gives no sound. The sceptic doesn't agree, and asks how a so-called invisible, intangible, elusive gardener differ from an imaginary gardener, or even no gardener at all." I feel like the man who is doubting the presence of the Invisible Gardener. Its just like how im doubting God's existence. But ever wondered how your life seems to fall into place eventually? Ever wondered why it'll all be okay? The Creator is taking care of us, just like the gardener is taking care of the garden. If we dont see the gardener, then do we just lie to ourselves and force our mentality to be: God is fake! He isnt there! Or even worse, we think: Its by pure luck! Or simply that im too great! Of course all of us want God to be the "Visible Gardener" of our lives, but just sometimes, there are just tests on our faith, and it pushes us to believe, and through this process, strengthen our faith. We often do say, im too numb! (or at least thats what i do ALL THE TIME), i just dont find God in where i expect Him to be, in the midst of miracles, life-lifting moments. But perhaps, like how the MrChan puts it, its: However, on retrospect, God did appear in front of me, albeit in the least expected places. I do see God where i did not expect Him to appear, like many times too often in my life when i really see no light at the end of the tunnel. God is beside us all the time. We just need to find a little time, moderate positive thinking and a huge dose of faith to spot Him. The garden is well-tended to afterall. All these, to end of with, its just FAITH, FAITH and more FAITH. Of course the garden is well tended to!

-Credits: Wikipedia, MrChan.

I dont write the above to please you-know-who. It has been history since i once fantasized over each and every move of him. So many things happened, time passes, and i must say, i do learn from my mistakes, and of course, my insensivity and low-maturity-level. I do of course want to thank him for forgiving the old immature Beatrice time and again. Its not easy to put up with me you know( dont believe can go ask him :P) But i must say, i've GROWN UP! And certainly, i dont write the above to please him or respond to his every action. Just that yeah, things seem apt at this point of time. I've learnt my fair bit from "The Invisible Gardener"! Thankyou! If God's the Sun, then there may be clouds along the way. Though we dont see the Sun shining anymore when the clouds are looming, the Sun IS STILL SHINING! God is there all the time. And i've to learn to depend on my faith!

不管前面的路有多难走，我想信喜乐于上主是我们的力量！

Seemingly;

2009-06-01T07:21:00.000-07:00

She was clinging on, like there was no tomorrow.

I would sincerely like to thank everyone who cared. I've been recieving smses, emails, fb msgs, thank you to all! Most of all, God led me to see that blessings were abundant in my life. I would especially like to thank Joejee for his "pep talk", MrKhoo for his song and email, manymany concerns from all of you!

I went with Joey and shopped like there was no tomorrow. I ended up lugging stuffs home. I helped my mum okay! I was nice (: And i went home only to find that God didnt forsake me. Like He said in Hebrews 13:5 "Never will I leave you, Never will I forsake you." But still, i dont understand alot of things. There's this whole big maze formed in my mind.

Life seems to exist in a superficial manner. Hard to comprehend, yet it becomes a responsibility. Still, listening to the song, it made me think hard. God is moving even though we dont feel Him holding out His hand for us, or step in and save our day. I dont say He wont, but if we get demoralized when He doesnt seem to do anything, then do we still call ourselves Christians? Why not work toward keeping our faith to the size of a mustard seed? Keeping to that wont be that difficult right? For He told them, "Because of your lack of faith. I tell you with certainty, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.- Matthew 17:20 I guess Trust is vital here. How many Americans do read what's on their notes before they hand it over to the cashier? "In God We Trust", simple, but powerful.

Matthew 11:28:30 " Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easya nd My burden is light." I miss the me who loved and desired God so much.

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

2009-05-31T06:04:00.000-07:00

You. Skyhigh.

Life sucks. Not that im some person who exaggerates her life till it sounds like an oh-so-sad soap opera, but LIFE SUCKS. Like if you have some kind of * in your life, not that i really want to name out what. Its a plain disappointment, how everything around you seems like..

I dont know. I dont know why im giving up too. Maybe its time, i've figured it out. Im sorry to all i vented out my anger too. Im sure you all know my temper hasnt been real good at all, even though there has been some little things i have to be thankful for, like my allowance. Sorry for everything people, i dont really mean to shout at you just because of small things. Its time i apologized. Also, to all which i cried infront of, im sorry i wasnt strong enough for anything that came my way. Especially the handphone incident, which i apparently scared alot of people, and the mum's day incident at centre.

Alot of times i feel like im being thrown off the cliff, and i wake up surprised to find myself alive. So many nights were spent with me telling myself that i wouldnt pick up anything sharp. I know i've made too many promises, too much that i do not bear to break them. I've been told so many times that i've changed. For the bad, and i must say sorry to all who thought so. The change wasnt deliberate, i didnt mean to hurt so mnay people in the process of me breaking down. Im sorry im no longer the Beatrice you all expected me to be, im so sorry im falling below standards. Im so sorry that my mood swings have affected so many, im sorry i seem to be winning compassion of all. I reallyreally have no intentions of anything.

Instead of saying im tired and all, i dont. Because i dont fit to be tired. I dont fit to be playing songs in church because im not even thinking of God. Which is why i feel i no longer love music. Life is so different without God, i feel downright terrible now. Im really feeling so bad i feel like running away. Sometimes i wish i had the ability to cry. Or at least cry non stop, anything, just anything for me to get my senses back.

I do hope someday i'll be fine. Take time to realise.

2009-05-28T07:19:00.000-07:00

Poor Mr Khoo!

Personal Favourite!

The tall, and the short.

Karhui, Clau (:

Same height!

Superman?!

Evidence with future President!

My kangaroo buddy!

Take Time to Realise;

I had lots of fun today. Probably it was one of the joyful days i had this week. Lots of laughter. (: My personal favourite was so funny! I didnt know i had so many years! And im gonna miss History lessons! They're so fun with MrCool instead of MrsMaggiemee. Im sounding mean here. Hahaha, but really, i had alot of fun! I realise blogger limits the number of photos. I promise the ChristianClub photo to be up soon. Hahaha, Edlind, MrKhoo and me. Oh, and Iris looked cute in her report's photo! I had fun teasing ChongShiEn. Band seemed fun too! With all my screamings of teacher's name. All blind derh! MrChan and MissNg funniest, they call them then they look around and then cant find. So jingdian. (: Mdm Wang has a blog that i apparently havent gone to. Probably tommorow. (reminder to self to check the answers!)

Tommorow's a busy day! But i sense fun! With my kangaroo, she very mafan leh, i have to take my pet kangaroo everywhere i go! And MrKhoo still owes me our class photo. I realise holiday's are packed with homework, but i just love the feeling of so much homework. Gives me a goal to fufil (iknow im weird).

[V1:] Take time to realize,

That your warmth is. Crashing down on in.

Take time to realize,That I am on your side

Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.

But I can't spell it out for you,

No it's never gonna be that simple

No I cant spell it out for you

[C:] If you just realize what I just realized,

Then we'd be perfect for each other

And will never find another

Just realized what I just realized

We'd never have to wonder if

We missed out on each other now.

[V2:] Take time to realize

Oh-oh I'm on your side

Didn't I, didn't I tell you.

Take time to realize

This all can pass you by..

Didn't I tell you

But I can't spell it out for you,

No its never gonna be that simple

No I can't spell it out for you.

[C:] If you just realized what I just realized

Then we'd be perfect for each other

Then we'd never find another

Just realized what I just realized

We'd never have to wonder if

We missed out on each other now.

[V3:] It's not always the same

No it's never the same

If you don't feel it to.

If you meet me half way

If you would meet me half way.

It could be the same for you.

I finally have the courage to do this. You know what, i'll never forget this for life.

2009-05-27T07:19:00.000-07:00

Take time to realise;

I've realised i've fallen madly in love with my catchphrase. It just so describes my feelings about my life. TAKE TIME TO REALISE. Realisation is so important at this stage. I need time and space for my own thoughts, but hardly do i ever get it. No time, no space.

I zombied again today, but only to get a very productive answer from Joey. I asked her the same question as i asked Tiange, and she replied: Sadly, yes. The new you is a little too emotional and always gets into trouble. I agree totally on that. Why the change? Because Someone vital in my life is losing its domination over my heart. I dotn know why too. Mr Khoo is so funny. I went out of school with him, and he's a total joker. Upper Bukit Timah, Lower BUkit Merah. OHTHE JOY. Cheered me up alot i guess.

Church today made me a little angry(?) I dont like people forcing me to open up. I cant even cope with my own emotions. You arent really close to me so who are you to say this and that. I dont know. Adelia and her water. Thats so jingdian.

and as I look into your eyes
I see an angel in disguise
Sent from God above
For me to love
To hold and idolise
And as I hold your body near
Ill see this month through to a year
And then forever on
Til life is gone
Ill keep your loving near
And now Ive finally found my way
To lead me down this lonely road
All I have to doIs follow you
To lighten off my load
You treat me like a rose
You give me room to grow
You shone the light of love on me
And gave me air so I can breathe
You open doors that close
In a world where anything goes
You give me strength so I stand tall
Just like a rose
And when I feel like hope is gone
You give me strength to carry on
Each time I look at you
Theres something new
To keep our loving strong
I hear you whisper in my ear
All of the words I long to hear
Of how youll always be
Here next to me
To wipe away my tears
And now Ive finally found my way
To lead me down this lonely road
All I have to do
Is follow you
To lighten off my load
You treat me like a rose
You give me room to grow
You shone the light of love on me
And gave me air so I can breathe
You opened doors I closed
In a world where anything goes
You give me strength so I stand tall
Within this bed of earth
Just like a rose
And though the seasons change
Our love remains the same
You face the thunder
When the sunshine turns to rain
Just like a rose
You treat me like a rose
You give me room to grow
You shone the light of love on me
And gave me air so I can breathe
You opened doors I closed
In a world where anything goes
You give me strength so I stand tall
Within this bed of earth
Just like a rose
You give me strength so I stand tal
lWithin this bed of earth
Just like a rose

2009-05-26T07:27:00.000-07:00

Take time to realise;

Trouble, trouble, trouble. I asked Tiange today, is it my attitude who have changed, or is it the things/ people around me. She answered,"your attitude". It just proves that the world remains the same, but i've changed. True too, i've noticed my whole thinking changing, and i see more inevitable trouble coming my way.

Im tired, but i still wanna thank everyone who helped today. I got my handphone back. Only now my inbox is corrupted(?) Most of all, thanks Edlind for keep reminding me that i've to pray and pray and trust in God to take care of the whole issue, Joey who followed me everywhere, thanks a whole lot! And Mr Mun who once again saves my day and forgives me, returning the handphone. But he did ask one question, one that i've been wondering too, "Why nowadays you always get into trouble?" I dont know too. I dont know where my mind has gone to. Its like im a whole new person, (when did i get a brain transplant)? Im going to die at PTC, that i gurantee myself. A whole new lot of scoldings, insults and quarrels, i can almost taste it. Im so surprised i actually doubted prayer today, like i just didnt want to trust it. There must be something wrong with me.

I tell myself that i need to get rest, but im not that stressed up either. There's just something wrong, something which i dont know where and what. There's only one remedy to this: Perfection. And thats what im gonna do from today. Learn Perfection. Strive Perfection. I dont know what else to expect. God seems so distand these few days, its almost like out of my mind. Because i dont know what to expect anymore of this life, i feel so lifeless and so drained. God knows why, because i dont.

I dont know of what to do. Someone tell me what to do, but everytime i try to ask, i get shut up, by my ownself. Call me a coward, but i just cant do it. Hurdles. I want fresh views from people. I dont want to make the same mistake from last year.

I suddenly feel like talking and crying out loud. I dont know why, it has been a long time, although i've really been crying alot today and friday, especailly today when i couldnt stop me tears(?!) I dont know why.

TAKE TIME TO REALISE.

2009-05-25T06:54:00.000-07:00

Take time to realise;

I've been in zombie mode today. To start off with, i dont know my parent's chinese name. Thats a great joke. CEP was horrible, im prepared to flunk. I ctually volunteered service, of course thats to escape going back to Zhangde, come to think of it, i've a phobia of meeting teachers. I've been zombie-ing this whole day, much to my surprise, even after i settled things with MrMun. I think my life's a joke. During band, i've come into deep realisation.

Im not talented, even when i thought i was. Who was i to say i knew this and that. I dont love music, that is what i must tell myself. Im no longer awed, i must remind myself. I dont have the talent, i dont have the gift, even if i had, i lost it. What's the point going after something that i've lost? There's no use asking a pig to fly, so there's no use thinking i can play.

Im back home here still zombie-ing and wondering where my math file flew to. Blame my stupid marks for math test too. Totally who's fault?! Maybe i shouldnt name names. BLAME MYSELF. For the excuses i give myself.

Whats to say? Im sure God was trying to tell me something through devotions today. But, im tired, and i dont feel like doing what i have no passion for. Suddenly i feel the fire dying. I dont know why too. It isnt like im pretending to be emo or what. So to those who come to me everyday and ask if my okay, im perfectly fine, thanks for all your concern(:

2009-05-24T05:50:00.000-07:00

You look different, when the sun's shining;

Thats probably the best photo i think i've taken throughout my trip to malaysia. Simply because the grey pillars hard such a strong shade of orange when the sun shone on them (sunset). To me, it is just like how we get so affected and changed because of a factor that evidently impacts us.

My apologies from being away for so long. Due to my emotions and my lack of ability to do anything till i told the truth. I passed SBJ. And i'll sincerely like to thank the following people: Joey, Zhijia, Luyao, Edlind, Miss Saw, Mr Chan, and all the girls who cheered me on), Benedict Soh and blah. Thankyou ZhiJia, Joey and Luyao who were always there cheering for me to jump, and Joey in particular for standing at 240cm and shouting her zebras and whatever orange madness(?) and Edlind for telling and reminding me that God gives me the strength to jump :D Miss Saw for bothering to test me( after ages ) and MrChan for telling me that i've been jumping the wrong way, and the girls for cheers and so on! Finally the failure passed!

And apparently, i got into hot soup, and God saved me before i got scalded. And He bleesed me through this whole ordeal, when i slit, He didnt hate me or give up on me. Thank you so much MrMun, seriously, despite my not-so-sincere thankyou, you really helped like a zillion lot through it all! The squirrel is nice! :D

Malaysia was.. I shant say it. It isnt very nice. Just that i got books that i want, and half of Daddy's present. My mum and i both say the running thing book and we all agreed that daddy would love it. I got my book! YAY! 3 cups of tea! :D

Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven?

Would it be the same

If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong

And carry on,

'Cause I know I don't belong

Here in heaven.
Would you hold my hand

If I saw you in heaven?

Would you help me stand

If I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way

Through night and day,

'Cause I know I just can't stay

Here in heaven.
Time can bring you down,

Time can bend your knees.

Time can break your heart,

Have you begging please, begging please.
Beyond the door,

There's peace I'm sure,

And I know there'll be no more

Tears in heaven.
Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven?

Would it be the same

If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong

And carry on,

'Cause I know I don't belong

Here in heaven.

2009-05-21T07:43:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday TIANGE! (:

Its my laogong's birthday today! (: YAY! :D Happy Birthday Tiange! Older already must not huachi over your locks and keys already okay? (: MATH TEST BIRTHDAY GIRL!

I've missed out alot. Practically these few days have been hectic and filled with surprises and God's blessings of course. Like i didnt get lost at all in NanHua Pri due to a huge lot of friends esp Karhui (heres your credits) and i had a fun-filled briefing session with embarrasments and suan-nings from everyone. IMMERSION CAMP. (: And of course, i survived band today with huge support from people all over the world. KINA AND ME :D Flute 2 due to Vincent's brilliant coin flip (: I bet Xiaotong and Hilary bushuang.Ohwell, Kina's so cute! (:

And of course not forgetting that i have sucessfully flunked math test due to the late church at night. And i dont get wh sometimes. Should i feel happy or sad that you're opening up to her? But why you tell her about us? Like i didnt know you share family matters so convieniently.

I've heard a saying, "If you cant be the sun, then be the moon, never be the stars." And what is their reasoning? They say: There is only a Sun, and a moon, but there are so many stars. Dont be anyone, be THE ONE. I beg to differ. Using the best example there is: Jesus. God can be high up there like the sun, and rule and govern us. But then, there would be no love, or rather, the bridge between Him and us(stars) would be too far apart. God sent His only begotten Son down as a star, to minister to the other stars. So that we(People) will realise that God is not someone we woship in order to live in peace, rather, He is someone we believe and follow in faith to gain eternal life. How can we say we are ministering to others who are more in need if we dont walk in their shoes? How, then. would we be able to help them? Why must we be the outstanding one always? Then we'll be boastful and proud and the thought of humbling ourselves would never appear in our possesive mind. Then we'll be just like those Pharisees who condemned Jesus to death. Why must we always think we're the best? To help the stars, we have to first be a star. (: (Just something that came into my random mind :D)

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain"I'm with you"
And as You mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I'll praise You in this storm
And I will life my hands
\For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Its the first song that descibes my feelings totally. its just so apt. Especially some parts, its like.. So much of what i want to tell God. Yes, i'll live on for God, and i'll not faint anymore (: I really love the way this song puts its lyrics. Its more of: I WANT TO TELL GOD, and not always God tell me or Praise God. Sometimes when praises are inadequate, its time to get back to the most fundemental thing. Talk to God.

2009-05-19T07:17:00.000-07:00

Paperclips, to clip my memories;

My phone connection has a big problem. So my apologies for not posting up the random and chio pictures of the girls yeah!

Boring day! Painting and starving is cool. And MrMun doesnt want to tell me the solution but guess what? I FOUND IT OUT :D And i was so happy w myself. YAY (: Says Beatrice the Pro. And LowJieFei loves calling my name.________. I love my funny group. Macbeth 21st century. Me director worh. Then MissKali says im the biggest witch. Chief witch .________. I feel so bored. But hey! I finished my tuition. So Say YAY. Im so proud of myself :D

Tea Chapter was so funny! I happened to be sitting next to Tiange and on top of us was the XI thing for married couples! And we camwhored like mad. Im sorry Jet for the egg! I was full! And hahaha, i think i did nothing but drink and eat. Tea Chapter is 5 mins away from my house .__________. I reached home when the others juz boarded bus. YAY. (: Praise God bus came fast. (: BOO :D

Tommorow's packed. And movie, briefing, buddinggroup. Its Ruiqi's first time, and Benedict's first time leading. I pray that it'll be an impactful one. My bro's pro. Prepare in like less than 5min?! I do hope Ruiqi will find it fun tommorow. I see change. Like my grandaunt's going to Alpha thing for baptism :D Its like long awaited for... so many years?! When always i'll pray that my 2 grandaunts will accept Christ so it'll be more like my dad's side. And i bet my grandma's over the moon. She has done a great job! (:I see so much more change, in my grandaunt, and im not the least bit regretful that she has only changed now. (:

I dont feel like going for Immersion Camp. Only thin good is i get to change organ dates (: So bye to those difficult songs. God knows my inabilities (: And no one's said anything :D I miss alot of things. :(

Make my life better, by making your good (:

2009-05-16T06:04:00.000-07:00

Give me a chance of the rainbows;

Vera's gonna kill me when she sees this. Because instead of doing the art script, i am fooling around here.

Hospice Care. it woke me up so much. Im not treasuring everyone. And im not serving enough. MORE, i need God more :D Everything is so boring, except English and PW today. Where they apparently koped my compo and started reading like its some top novel in the world. OHTHECROSSROADS. I think its because i didnt tell MissKali i only completed it today. OHWELL. Then PW was fun. I apparently successfully proved that MrEricTan is a liar. He said he didnt know about the Marina Barrage last week, and tells us that there's 6 reservoirs this week. How hilarious can he go? He still uses the other teachers as scapegoat. Im really entertained.

Band was... Kina and I make a good team, i promise (: Flute2, we clinched it. After TayVincent's brilliant flip of the year. (:

Back home was.. i was feeling terrible. Probably due to the lack of food. Kinder surprises. YAY. I've never felt so happy. Kindersurprises (: Cocoa Tree :D

I am tired. Will you give me a break and just shut up? You really are affecting the way i look at the word "home". I dont want it to become "house" in my vocabulary. I really love you all, but does anyone care? I want to treasure you but how? When you're the opposite of what i dreamt it to be. Why?

2009-05-15T07:51:00.000-07:00

You fail to see their beauty;

I dont know why this random picture, but ohwell, i still like the way the sky is brought as the backgroud. Only the focus is abit wrong, nevermind!

You think you stand so tall, yet so short. You think you're great, but actually, im sorry to say, you're not.

I want to thank all the girls who pei-ed me through SBJ today. Even though MissSaw didnt test me in the end, i still love you guys for being there. Especially ZhiJia! The muscle thing was no big deal. Even though i couldnt really walk. Ahahha. The rest of the day was a blur. I didnt know what i was doing, or rather, i couldnt be bothered. I had fun with King during study session after school though. I am bored. I love Crossroads. Inspirations just came, because i knew exactly what to write about, except i had to change the plot so it wont sound so much like me. YAY.

I dont know why, dont ask me why. But then i suppose its better to keep my own life in suspense.

I fell in love with my piano pieces. I felt so attached, i could relate to them. Where tears come and go, there your heart is. How many of us can actually fake tears? Tears are truly the most true feelings. I wouldnt want to trade any other feeling of others for my own. Who says we have to be truly sad when we cry?

I feel so sorry. I feel so so sorry. Will you ever forgive me for allowing you to have so many doubts in your mind? Forgive me. I beg for your forgiveness. Tell me, please.

I dont know, i really dont. I am not willing to venture out and really serve God. But i want to, its just that im scared of the ending. Will it be another one with tears, or will someone benefit from it? Sometimes, i want your parents. I want your parents who care so much about religion.

What can i say? I really dont know. It has all become a blur. But its not reaching a fantasy.

You said the tunnel's about to end,
You promised the light,
You said you'll hold my hand till the very end.
I knew You were different,
Because You showed me what others didnt,
You wiped away my tears of guilt,
You washed away my resentment.
You showed me what others didnt;
You forgave me
When i couldnt forgive myself,
You held me in Your arms,
When i mattered to no one.
You took the shattered pieces of my world,
And pieced them back together.
You redeemed my sins on the cross,
Gave me a chance to get back on my feet.
When everyone said i couldnt,
You said i could.
You held me and i touched the sky,
You touched me and i lifted the mountains.
Dont leave me please,
I need you,
I love you.

J-E-S-U-S, You spell my life.

2009-05-14T07:14:00.000-07:00

You see the rainbow, dont you?

Im like fascinated with the pictures i take these few days. Its hard to find a good one, but i love this because i can see the rainbow, and it is not at all bright and glowing, but it gives you a feeling of promise (covanent). I love rainbows, because they come after a rain. (:

I've noticed how hard haearted i've become. Maybe its the best way to treat you. To be honest, you leave me with so many unsound questions in my mind. Like you just love to walk in my life then run out of it.

Today is a seemingly boring day. Im disappointed. And im tired. I could hrdly keep my eyes open during band. Still, i'll love to thank all those who cared, thankyou everyone! Especially my flute buddies! Thankyou for being concerned at how un-talkative i was! I was just figuring out. And i still dont get it. Assembly was funny though! DONALD DUCK AND NOAH'S ARK. Actually got link o.o I like Fantasia. (: I love the music, to be honest, i was paying more attention to the music, because i was just so fantastic.

Devotions were so apt, everyday, its like God has something new to tell me. And the problem is, i think i found part of the answer to his question (credits to Joyce Meyer) but i dont get it. Does God want me to tell him? Should i? Should i?

I love the way pictures paint a thousand words. I love the way people express themselve through photographs.

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it aloneI've tried, but I don't know why
Slow it down, make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop
'Cause its to much, yeah its a lot
To be something I'm not
I'm a fool, out of love
'Cause I just can't get enough
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it aloneI've tried, but I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down
I know, I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show
The sun is hot in the sky
Just like a giant spot light
The people follow the signs
And synchronize in time
It's a joke, nobody knows
they've got a ticket to theshow.
Yeah, I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone
I've tried, but I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it outIt's bringing me down
I know, I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the showJust enjoy the show
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it aloneI've tried, but I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down
I know, I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show
Just enjoy the show dum de dum, da dum de dum
and just enjoy the show da dum de dum, da dum de dum
and just enjoy the show
I want my money back (3x)
Just enjoy the show
I want my money back(x3)
Just enjoy the show

2009-05-12T07:47:00.000-07:00

So you see the ferris wheel;

I kind of like the feeling this photograph gives. It gives you a very far yet near feeling, when im focusing on the ferris wheel, it seems to be blocked, far, but still gives you a very hopeful feeling at the end. The scarce arrangement of the people makes it look natural.

11/05/09

Went for project at Jiahui's condo's reading room. So many hours, then trailed to macs for lunch, I really love God! Like He moved my mountains of doubt, and all i knew was i kept releasing those pains from inside, and it was then so peaceful, i've never experienced it before. MAMAMIA. Went home and home was havoc. I dont understand why. Why is it more peaceful outside? How am i gonna bring myself to leave her? I'll miss her teaching and sharing sweets with me. OHGOSH. Quarrel, fight, quarrel, fight. Dont adults have something better to do?

12/05/09

I've done geog terribly. You all have caused it. OHMYGOSH. How do you expect me to study in this state. I made clay stuffs. OHLOL. Edlind and my cross :D Then was lame and uninteresting Maths sucked. I miss someone so much. I survived Science. I went home and was proud of myself. Because i looked over my jealousy and ignored someone not worth my attention. OHGOSH, i realise i do sound bad. Nevermind, till the day i forgive. (: Woots, i've done chinese compo. 5 pages. Well done Beatrice.

I realise i am bad to alot of people. There need to be change. And i need to learn. God's my best teacher. (: I rely on God for everything. Or at least i try to.

You hold my every moment

You calm my raging seas

You walk with me through fire

And heal all my disease

I trust in you

I believe

You're my healer

I believe

You are all i need

I believe

You're my portion

I believe

You're more than enough for me

Jesus, you're all i need

Nothing is impossible for you

Nothing is impossible

Nothing is impossible for you

You hold my world in your hands

2009-05-09T06:50:00.000-07:00

Angles, they are all different, yet the same.

I stand awed before my amazing God. God is amazing! He really is!

In church i heard my song was not that bad. And i was quite satisfied (: MISSFOO'S SONG :D Then i am goin on a hiding spree. Asking me to play drums in church is MISSION IMPOSSIBLE. Yes, it is. God knows i've limited talents. Oh please, keyboard and tambourine is bad enough! And im glad no one has said anything about guitar (: Then when i reached centre, my heart was just so heavy. I was ohwow, like reaching the end. was BRIMMING WITH TEARS. Thankyou for your fantabulous vocab used (: And then i was just hanging on to loose thread and when i reached the last song i couldnt take it anymore. And i started tearing. Mind you, it was just tearing. And then i started crying like no one's business after that. And ohboy, i COULDNT STOP crying. It was not like i could help it. And auntysaylian brought me out after 15 mins of continuous crying! And i continued crying and crying and crying. And who said i was numb? Hahaha. God rocks. He renewed my strength at the time i needed it the most. When i was spiritually so dry, He allows me to let out whats inside and heals me during the process. I really am grateful for having known such a great God ever since i was born. Even though i felt so numb for so long, God still touched me so much today. I witnessed healing right there. God was with me all the time! I also thank God for sending such a pretty angel to me to counsel me and minister to my every need(: SEE, I LOVE MY COUNSELLOR (:

I also thank my great God for such a unique and special family im in. Even though sometimes i cant seem to understand this great big family of mine, i still thank God for opening my eyes today to see things from mum, dad's, bros, and most of all my aunt's perspectives. It isnt easy, but im trying. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO MY DEAR MUMMY! Youre the best mummy i'll ever have and i love you even though im very harsh most of the time and disappoint you alot. I (L) MUMMY!

I also thank God for showing me my direction in life today. I AM REFRESHED!

There are just so many blessings in my life that i've previously failed to see. God is working, God is great :D

A Pure Heart
A pure heart, that's what I long for.

A heart that follows hard after Thee;

A pure heart, that's what I long for.

A heart that follows hard after Thee.

VERSE:A heart that hides Your Word

So that sin will not come in.

A heart that's undivided

But one You rule and reign;

A heart that beats compassion,

That pleases You, my Lord.

A sweet aroma of worship

That rises to Your throne.

I want a heart that is ruled by God. One that God dominates. Because i cant imagine life without my great God. I cant imagine if my sins were not beared on the cross by my Redeemer. Because He overcame death and gave me new life.

Just so you know;

2009-05-08T07:17:00.000-07:00

So you see that little bridge;

I reckon this must be dont of the pictures i took when i was tired. The central focus is not good enough. It was just a normal day with me almost breaking down when i couldnt jump SBJ. Funny right? When last year's stuff kept hitting me. And of course, some nice PE teacher was commenting on how terrible i was at both inclined and SBJ. I really wonder how unsurppotive teachers in Nan Hua are. I just cant stand them. Then i fell down, and hurt myself. Well done Beatrice.

I kind of detest the way some people do things. But still, im not in the right position to comment, nonetheless change their opinion. I really want to be :D I love people who have their own stand and principles in life, just so you wont do that kind of things and change your own thinking.

I just think the way i think, no matter how much people hate it. Like i believe in doing the best and not my best, i reckon it will gather world disputes. I just dont need people to be affected by MY thinking too. It makes them duplicates of me.

Lyrics:
Lord You seem so far away
A million miles or more it feels today
And though I haven't lost my faith
I must confess right now
That it's hard for me to pray

But I don't know what to say
And I don't know where to start
But as You give the grace
With all that's in my heart

Chorus:
I will sing I will praise
Even in my darkest hour
Through the sorrow and the pain
I will sing I will praise
Lift my hands to honor You
Because Your Word is true
I will sing

Lord it's hard for me to see
All the thoughts and plans You have for me
But I will put my trust in You
Knowing that You died to set me free

But I don't know what to say
And I don't know where to start
But as You give grace
With all that's in my heart
Chorus

Then came a moment you could tell, how they clearly flew instead of fell.

Dream dreams.

2009-05-07T06:37:00.001-07:00

God's Creation;

Just how amazing I survived through.

06/05/09

I managed to get my mum presents. I dont mind spending. Im not thrifty i guess. Swensens is cool :D

o7/05/09

I was utterly disgusted by someone in the morning. Spoilt my mood. Then i went for assembly, which was so boring. I didnt survive Napfa. I failed, yes, i did. And during inclined pull-ups, my shoe dropped out, and the whole time was me trying to get that message across, but MrTan is oblivious. In the end, i only did 3. ._____________. The long face. And i failed ShuttleRun and SBJ. I was so tired at a point i was seeing stars. Its not good to only sleep 3 hours. I was just so drained. Then i went for band. I dont get why people say i've improved. So the kind of life im leading now is worth praises? I would have much preffered the me last year, without all those pretences and act-bitchy-moments. But i guess this year has been a ... I've found God in the least expected places. I've changed, for the better outside, but yet in the inside, i guess its metamorphosis.

My results dropped like no one's business. I wonder what kind of lecture i'll get. Maybe.. I'll get chased out of house? I wouldnt mind that the least bit, or transfer school? Hmm, i guess only God knows. Though so many stuffs happened all these while, i guess sometimes to the deepest of the pits im in, only God can fully understand the kind of shitty feeling i went through (though i still think He wouldnt forgive me for doing those things to myself).

Even though the tunnel seems to be long, there seems to be no God present in our situations, God is just not even one centimetre away, for me, God is not just in heaven, He's inside ME :D

Hide me now

Under Your wings

Cover me

Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar

I will soar with You

above the storm

Father you are King over the flood

I will be still and know You are God

Find rest my soul

In Christ alone

Know His power

In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar

I will soar with You above the storm

Father You are king over the flood

I will be still and know You are God

Reflecting through how much this song changed my whole life, my attitude. Its really amazing how God works through music. If Satan can use music to lead people away from God, all the more GOD CAN USE MUSIC TO LEAD US BACK TO HIM. How I first stumbled, fell and never wanted to get up, for 7 months?! Then God used this song i guess to help me get on my feet again. This songs like th force that drags me away from my penknife. When you know GOD, you know VICTORY. I dont know, but if God can work on someone like me, all the more He can work on you. (:

Once Again;

2009-05-05T07:13:00.000-07:00

Fields;

No more morning assemblies. Thats great news! I think Bio is just educating us on the dangers of premarital you-know-what. Elijah is top 1 entertainment, sitting beside him makes me laugh alot. Clay modelling is not at all fun. Thank God everything went well today. Except for the bickerings, keep calm! I am beginning to see things in another point of view. And its great to have God's peace. Yes, it is! I realise with God, we can see things in His view, and it makes so many difficulties seem like footstools under our feet! Im excited for something!

Devotions always wake me up. There's no BIG evolution or change when we take a turn the right way to God. Its a slow process, and every step we take, God is there to hold our hand. Roads may been tough, like we're trudging uphill at all times, but who cares? I've got God, and so do you!

I got to see something today. The importance of Forgiveness and Letting Go. I see many things that i can serve, if im willing to let go. Im seeing so many open doors, but if im willing. I am learning to give up an expensive job for volunteer work! (Thanks to ECareers!) Yes, working in a high-pay job is still serving people, but dont you see you can do so much more if you're willing to give up something superficial, God will bless you a hundredfold?

God is great! And budding group is so much less fun without my counsellor:( Dont know how to see *'s face.

Im going to get Mummy's Day presents tommorow. Yes i am!

Stay with me
Don't fall asleep too soon
The angels can wait for a moment
Come real close
Forget the world outside
Tonight we're alone
It's finally you and I
It wasn't meant to feel like this
Not without you

Cos when I look at my life
How the pieces fall into place
It just wouldn't rhyme without you
When I see how my path
Seem to end up before your face
The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars

Don't be afraid
I'll be right by your side
Through the laughter and pain
Together we're bound to fly
I wasn't meant to love like this
Not without you

Cos when I look at my life
How the pieces fall into place
It just wouldn't rhyme without you
When I see how my path
Seem to end up before your face
The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars

I made a few mistakes, yeah
Like sometimes we do
Been through lot of heartache
But I made it back to you

Cos when I look at my life
How the pieces fall into place
It just wouldn't rhyme without you
And when I see how my path
Seem to end up before your face
The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars

When I look at my life
How the pieces fall into place
It just wouldn't rhyme without you
When I see how my path
Seem to end up before your face
The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars
The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars

Chains are gone!

2009-05-04T07:15:00.000-07:00

Chains broken;

In the early morning, i was very honoured as the Vice Principal of NanHua actually opened my car door for me. Yes, you did not see wrongly. Then i went up and lessons were as usual, except for Miss Kali's joy in keeping suspense. Then i practically slacked. Mr Mun is a weird teacher. Trust me, but then, its good to have someone as responsible for a form teacher. Get well soon Tiange. Im really going to miss your company! Then during Project Work, there was some funny aquaintances between Mr Eric Tan and my group. I couldnt believe it- he doesnt know about the Marina Barrage. As silly as that sounds, its a true account of what he said. Yes, Mr Cheng is certainly a teacher to approach for constructive advice. Seriously, its a really fun pack of teachers we have here in Nan Hua. Personally, i still prefer the kind of sheltered environment Zhangde's teachers give us.

After school, we went and embarked on our MICKEY MOUSE lantern. I must say, i had a really good time with Vera and Zhijia as we sidetracked while cutting wires and pasting masking tapes. Sorry to those we gosipped about too! But it was meaningful and really got me to see things from another angle.

Managed to rush to band, but Mr Tan said i didnt have to set up instruments anymore. And i just saw how the Sec1s are improving. Real well. I dont even remember myself playing that well when I was reaching the end of Sec1! They kept saying i was a bad girl. Yeah, maybe, but well, im learning to be good!

Home and i just did simple things. Routine things that maybe isnt even worth writing out. Then, i did DEVOTIONS. Yes, i flipped out my devotions, and for once, concentrated on what God was going to say. And He said, "The chains were no longer on their bodies, but they had never removed those chains from their mind." And i was stunned. Stunned! And i was so confused for a moment. Like a big slap on my face. Why say i am so chained up when He already broke my chains on the cross? I came into realization of something so important today. God wanted to give them the Promise Land, and guess what? They said NO! And they were complaining that God wasnt hearing their prayers! Was so affected by how i asked God to wait, once i get my calling, its serving right away! Not waiting till i like it. God is just so awesome. I cant think of anything else that describes Him best! He beared my sins on the cross not for me to wallow inside my own hurts and hurt myself!

I realised penknifes is Satan's way of getting at me. The end product, scars, are always the ones that hurt me the most. But why?

Take a breath I pull myself together
Just another step until I reach the door
You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you
Ooh Ooh
I wish that I could tell you something
Ooh Ooh
To take it all away
Sometimes I wish I could save you
And there's so many things that I want you to know
I won't give up til it's over
If it takes you forever I want you to know
When I hear your voice it's drowning in the whispers
You're just skin and bones
There's nothing left to take and no matter what I do
I can't make you feel better
Ooh Ooh
If only I could find the answer
Ooh Ooh
To help me understand
Sometimes I wish I could save you
And there's so many things that I want you to know
I won't give up til it's over
If it takes you forever I want you to know that
If you fall, stumble down
I'll pick you up off the ground
If you lose faith in you
I'll give you strength to pull through
Tell me you won't give up
Cause I'll be waiting if you fall you know
I'll be there for you
Ooh Ooh
If only I could find the answer
Ooh Ooh
To take it all away
Sometimes I wish I could save you
And there's so many things that I want you to know
I won't give up til it's over
If it takes you forever I want you to know
I wish I could save you
I want you to know
I wish I could save you

2009-05-03T02:15:00.000-07:00

Should I delete this blog?

Today's church was disastrous. Hahaha, proves that * does have a very important role to play in church! Went to church with a very confused heart. Then i was sitting next to a lunatic._. God is there. I know He is.

I again doubt the presence of God here. Why is God so biased?

Its good to go shopping once in a while. Totally got all my troubles off. Money paid (: I love my new shoebag. I love my new clothes. I love my new notebooks. Who said i couldnt waste money? (: I am going for pre-confo camp :D Say YAY to more fun. (: 8-10 June, im looking forward to you :D

goodbye to you my trusted friend

we´ve known each other since we

were nine or ten

together we´ve climbed hills and trees

learned of love and abc´s

skinned our hearts and

skinned our knees

goodbye my friend it´s hard to die

when all the birds are singing

in the sky

now that spring is in the air

pretty girls are everywhere

think of me and i´ll be there

we had joy we had fun we had

seasons in the sun

but the hills that we climbed were

just seasons out of time

goodbye papa please pray for me

i was the black sheep of the family

you tried to teach me right from wrong

too much wine and too much song

wonder how i got along

goodbye papa it´s hard to die

when all the birds are singing in the sky

now that the spring is in the air

little children everywhere

when you see them i´ll be there

we had joy we had fun we had

seasons in the sun

but the wine and the songs like the

seasons have all gone

we had joy we had fun we had

seasons in the sun

but the wine and the song like

the seasons have all gone

goodbye michelle my little one

you gave me love and helped me find the sun

and every time that i was down

you would always come around

and get my feet back on the ground

goodbye michelle it´s hard to die

when all the birds are singing in the sky

now that the spring is in the air

with the flowers everywhere

i wish that we could both be there

we had joy we had fun we had

seasons in the sunbut the hills that we climbed were

just seasons out of time

we had joy we had fun we had

seasons in the sunbut the wine and the song like the

seasons have all gone

we had joy we had fun we had

seasons in the sun

but the wine and the song like the

seasons have all gone

we had joy we had fun we had

seasons in the sun

but the wine and the song like the

seasons have all gone

I like songs from the older generation. It just aptly describes my feelings accompanied by a tune thats just.. God's Creation.

2009-05-02T07:41:00.000-07:00

Say that over again;

HI. I AM BEATRICE. IM THE NUMBEST GIRL IN THE WORLD. *claps*
Self intro :D Today i jumped up and realised that there was jap class .___. See that long face? Yep, i passed my jap. Praise God. Then went home, went church. Something caught my eye. Forgiveness, God forgives me and you. Went home. Went out. Prac songs. My life is like a ZOMBIEEEEEEEEE. Im so confused, i so much want His guidance. To see me through this. Like once to many times during my test, that He'll show me the right way. That He'll take away my numbess. Why the hell do i expect so much from God? Sometimes giving yourself a good slap can really wake you up. Sometimes i need t wake up from all my fantasies and dreams, give myself a real good cry, then start all over. It used to work in the past, when i still liked him, that i'll slap myself real hard, force tears to come out then feel much better. But now, its God, and its so different. Im practically.. Crying wont help at all. Seriously, its scary. When you just want to freeze time. and freeze it to those special moments when God did really touch a little of my numb heart. I still can remember, when it was all so clear suddenly, i could do nothing but stare and feel so much of my mind relaxed.

I just dont have th mood of things anymore;

2009-05-01T01:35:00.000-07:00

From mad IRIS in facebook, but do here easier. (;
A is for APRIL FOO.
1) Do you love this person?
YES :D
2) Is this person your enemy?
nope (:
3) Would you hug this person?
DUH.
B is for BENEDICT LEE ZI CHENG.
1) What do you really think of this person?
He's my bro for goodness sake. He's plead for he's big name t be up there.
2) What’s their favorite color?
Blue, Orange, Black, Red.
3) Ever danced with them?
NO. LOL.
C is for CRYSTAL LAU XIN YI
1) What do you think of this person?
SOUR! smart and nice (:
2) How far does this person live?
Jurong?!
D is for DENISE YONG YING JIE.
1) How long have you known him/her?
Er... 1+ years?
2) Do you like this person?
Why wouldnt i love my daughter?! :P
3) Do you hate this person?
NOPE.
E is for EDLIND NG
1) Have you met their parents?
Yes.
2) Worst thing about this person?
shes tall ):
3) Best thing about this person?
Christian!
F is for FIONA CHANG.
1) Have you ever dated this person?
NOPE. She has boyfriends alr.
2) When is the next time you will see him/her?
Tmr hopefully
3) Do you go to school with them?
Nope.
G is for GRACE WONG YONG HUI.
1) Have you heard this person sing?
Yes!
2) What's his/her pet's name?
NO PETS!
3) Will he/she repost this?
INNOCENT LITTLE GIRL HAS NO BLOG OR FB!
H is for HUIQI.
1) What grade are they in?
SEC2?
2) Is he/she your best friend?
dont think so :(
3 Ever done something illegal with this person?
i dont do illegal things at all!
I is for IRIS LOW HUI EN.
1) What is this persons favorite food?
idk.
2) How did you meet this person?
SCHOOL (: RANDOM :D
3) Do you trust them?
YES!
J is for JOEY NG SI YIN.
1) They have any siblings?
YES! Jasmine!
2) Do you know their favorite song?
HSM!
3) What would you do if they confessed they liked you?
She alr confessed. MY GF.
K is for LIEW KAR HUI.
1) How old were you when you first met?
13?
2) Do you like him/her as a friend?
Yah!
3) Would you go to disney world with this person?
YEPPP :D
L is for LION
1) Is this person older than you?
YES
2) Is this person single?
HAHAHHAHAHAHA.
3) How many times do you talk to them in a week?
EVERYDAY?
M is for MINDY WONG MANN.
1) How old were you when you first met?
7 hahahaha
2) Whats his/hers pets name?
er.... idk.
3) Ever danced with this person? nope
N is for NOREEN.
1) How old were you when you first met the person?
13!
2) Do you like this person?
DUH. muahahhaa.
3) What would you do if you had never met this person?
NEVER MET ANYONE SO CUTE :P
O is for OLGA.
1) Are you related?
Explode Camp?
2) Could you live with this person?
o.o idk. LOL.
3) What school do they go to?
not sure.
P is for ZHUO PEIYI.
1) Have you been to the mall with this person?
nope
2) How about a sleepover with them?
no.
3) Does this person have a job?
DUH.
R is for CHIN RUIQI.
1) Have you heard this person sing?
DUH.
2) Will she/he repost this? Nope
3) When does this person look best?
CHURCH :D
S is for SUNSAN CHONG.
1) Is this person taller than you?
YES :(
2) Do you enjoy spending time with him/her?
Yeah!
3) Is this person your friend?
yup.
T is for XU TIANGE.
1) What grade is this person in?
sec 2! :)
2) Would you hug this person?
YESSSSSSSSSSS
3) Do they live close to you?
No.
U is for
V is for VERA LEE.
1) Would you do anything for him/her?
See what first HAHHAHAH
2) Do you consider them a friend?
duh ahahhaha.
3) Have you met any of his/her family?
Her bro. LOL.
W is for FOOWANYING & HER BELOVED FUNG WAI KIT.
1) Is this person loud or quiet?
WY is soft, KING IS LOUD.
2) Have you seen this person dance?
NOPE
3) What color eyes does this person have?
black lol
Y is for YUWEN
1) How old were you when you first met this person?
13
2) What do you think of this person?
CHIOBU :D
3) Have you heard this person sing?
nope
Z is for ZHIMIN.
1) Does this person have msn?
YUP
2) What is their favorite sport?
Netball.
3) When did you last see this person?
Yesterday LOL. She's my duplicate. One letter apart.

Today i just slept and slept. And caught up alot on my sleeping. Thank God for that. Since when did i have that kind of peace alr?! HAHAHA :D Got pissed. Every morning for 5 days a week you pray that we are a CHRIST-CENTERED FAMILY. And you can just lash out at him like that. In th end, i ended up coaching my bro. Felt sorry for him. LOL. Then well, slept somemore, then at night went for grandaunt's birthday celeb :D KARAOKE LIKE NO ONE'S BUSINESS :D SANG AND SANG AND SANG. And i can finally memorise th cantonese way of singing bdae song. Finally, after 14 years. OHLOL. I AM CRAZY. I LOVE GOD, I DONT KNOW WHY IM JUZ FALLING MORE DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH HIM EACH DAY. HE'S THE MOTIVATION THAT SPURS ME ON IN MY LIFE.

-Take me to You.
I've been wondering so far,
Got lost in every way.
But then,
at the crossroads
You picked me up,
You set my heart on fire,
Oh Lord.
For You.
Lost is where You found me,
Redeemed me from all my sins,
with this song I am singing,
set me on fire,
FOR YOU! IM LIVING FOR YOU! :D
-Stupid stuffs that i make out :D

What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin'
In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Badness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
N**, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all
People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek
Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love
It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations droppin' bombs
Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
With the ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
So I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong
In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin' in
Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love
Where's the love, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the love, y'all
People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek
Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love The love, the love
Now ask yourself where is the love
where is the love
where is the love
where is the love
(Chorus)
sing wit me yall one world,
one world we only got one world,
one world that's all we got one world,
one world and somethins wrong wit it (yeah)
and somethins wrong wit it (yeah)
somethins wrong wit da w-w-world
we only got one world one world
that's all we got one world,
one world I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' our own direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids act like what they see in the cinema
Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
\Whatever happened to the fairness in equality I
nstead in spreading love we spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes
I'm feelin' under
That's the reason why sometimes
I'm feelin' down
There's no wonder why sometimes
I'm feelin' under
Gotta keep my faith alive to lovers bound
People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek
Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above '
Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)

I love God. I need God. I feel God. I love God.

Praise.

2009-04-30T06:43:00.000-07:00

Worthy of all praises;

Maybe its th thing that lifted me up;

I've just heard something that lifted my spirits so much. God is WORKING. God is WORTHY! And devotions woke me up, wow. Im really amazed by this AWESOME God i have :D OHYAY! :D I realise so many times God just wants t prepare us fr something impt. I heard some great news, that i'll never imagine after a year and half of praying, God answers prayers at th perfect time! Gosh! AMAZING!! Just so ironical, i was blaming God fr everything tday, just broke down, then Gd used so many things t assure me of His presence. I hoped Joey liked th songs i sent over! :D

It's crowded in worship today
As she slips in
Trying to fade into the faces
The girls' teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know
CHORUS
But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
There is a way
A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat
And quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances tells him that his chances
Are better out on the road
CHORUS
But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the Body of Christ Chorus (2x)
If we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
Jesus is the way

2009-04-28T06:52:00.000-07:00

Ferris Wheel;

Today is so.. Emotions all just welled up tday, couldnt take it when he was outside the classroom, thanks Tiange! At home was th same thing. Im so tired. Waking up t study hist tmr. Jiayou! Suddenly i realised something, numbness is just like that. Eats you up. Studies suck. Im deproving. I cant stand my life. Scars. Ohgosh.

Burdened.

Change.

2009-04-27T07:58:00.000-07:00

Music is God's creation;

Dknow why. I've been so busy, forgetting t update. Tere has been concert, then stuffs and stuffs, and JAP TEST, which i hope i didnt fail that terribly. Above all, give thanks t God :D And sharing during concert was powerful :D LOL, i needed it right there. Sunday was stressful, impromptu organ. OHGOSH. Then well, not so nice things happened, but still :D

Tday, had so much stress, band was last min?! I just looked at th flute and kept repeating MUSIC IS GOD'S CREATION.

\AHHH! Stress ongoing madness. But i still love God. I still love all :D Save You is a FANTABULOUS SONG. OVERCOMERS! :D FORGIVERS! INSTRUMENTS OF GOD!

Believe;

2009-04-23T07:14:00.000-07:00

Total Fantasy

Its real funny how outdated 2o2 and Miss Kali are. OHLOL. They are still w th MrChan thing. And Miss Kali loves t tease me, hahaha, not that i mind, just that i tend t laugh at such outdated ppl. They dont even know who i like. UHDUH (: Miss Kali was like.. Let this not be MrChan class, i dont care abt MrChan, Mr Chee, Miss Yeo or MissNg. WOW. Like she's so... Hahaha.

Mammaaa. I like band tday. And i noticed ppl are playing Right Here Waiting :D Ooo :D Thats my song! :D Band was like.. boring?! But Jethro kp cming down keep me company :D Thankyou! :D

I just hope you know that i say i forgive you not because i want t know whats happening with you. Seriously, i dont even think im in th right position or rather the best position t help you. Just wanna say that i really will forgive. Because i know how it feels like sometimes. I cant say i understand, because i told you, you think v differently, but yeah, getting t know how you think is quite interesting too. You just have t find th correct outlet ;) So Jiayou, God will be there for you!

I see flaws, imperfections, so much of them, in myself;

Finishing line;

2009-04-21T07:35:00.000-07:00

Mosiac; describe the scene.

20/04/09

Hmm, i only remembered aftr school, i had an illegal gathering session with Iris (: A great Christian that is real on fire for God :D Im really inspired by this little mummy of mine! :D Many chers walked past, so scary :D Thanks fr th Tolberones! (: *credited. And hahaha, i had once again a great refreshing session of counselling :D Lion is not placed as under the sun because.. IT IS UNDER, ABOVE AND EVERYWHERE :D Im confused. Hahaha.

21/04/09

Im so disappointed w my bio. Muggging till 12.30 dont help. Yes it doesnt. And now MrsOng is pointing directly at me. OHTHEJOY. Thanks Zhimin for your KINDERJOY today :D And also Jethro's Easter Eggs will be distributed soon. Be patient. And im so disappointed. I am really so disappointed. AdamKhoo workshop. Eagles win because they dare t jump down. Are you willing to step put of your comfort zone? That was what kept me thinking. Are you willing to go out, its gonna be hard, like juggle so many stuff, but serve God who created you in the first place? Serveserveserve :D MAMAAAA :D Im gonna work hard frm now on. No more slacking. I love somethings in my life. Im so sorry fr losing control again. My siccors won :(

Step out of your comfort zone;

2009-04-18T23:38:00.000-07:00

Pretty Girls :D

Thanks fr th milo! :D

Happy birthday Yingpei Godsis! (:

Sports day

YOYOYO! (: In th morn, went school. Slacked lanterns. Then PE, then MrKhoo's funny hist. Non existent money. Im loving hist! :D Then went find mrmun & mrtan w Joey. Im such a nice girl :D

Then, i was nice enough t help Jt do his coloring. OHLOL. When i was nice and coloured it nicely,

HE SAID I WAS MAD! :( Then borrowed so many markers -.- Went w Tiange, Luyao & Joey t Subway and eat. Joey was being funny. Like so INTERESTING... Lol, she's nvr eaten subway in her life?! Then hahaha, went t stadium, sat in front of Zikang & Jethro, in return got so much bullying! But thanks Jethro fr your milo! :D Then infront siansian derh. Then later Miss Ng & Cikgu come. I entertain them siaaa :D Took many shots :D Then urm, went t support our relay team :D We won 1st :D Haha, 1o6 lost t us :D Then Eliii was so happy he won mrchan. Ohlol. Guy, im just so happy i seem t get things on th right track :D Then had some time. Took class pics. Then went back fr counselling :D LALALA :D

Wedding-Brain & Clara

Thot i couldnt make it. Th whole jap class was jus smsing that Zikang. Then rushed down. Later Jerry was SO CUTE! :D Pics later :D Then went cat class. Easter eggs :D Comeon Jethro :D

Congrats t Brain korkor & Yanyun jiejie :D Blessed marriage :D Then at night is celebrating Jitseng, My grandmum and dad's birthday! :D Went some nicenice place which sang out of tune Beatles song. Then im so tired :( But ate good food :D

Sunday

Woke up feeling so drained. Prac fr my song in church. Then i think i played fairly :( So many ppl breaking down in service nowadays. Then went up prac. Cheer up Ruiqi! :D Twin :D Then went Centre. Where *ahems* things happened :( I almost broke down at that song :( Lasted till lunch, then home.

Percieving;

2009-04-16T06:28:00.000-07:00

Winding stairs.

This few days are crazy. Its such a blessing t have done th ecareers thing. Im proud t say that im a Social person (: My jobs are : Cousellor, Education, Psychologist, Lecturer/Teacher, blahblah. All my dream jobs! I want a job that blesses others! :D And i wont mind flying away t another country t serve! AHH! I wanna grow up fast. Or go be some evangelist and spreadspreadspread God's amazing words, see lives changed by the power of His name! :D HAHAHA :D Now i must study hard t glorify God's name 1st :D Tday i had a nicenicenice us adventure w my counsellor :D We apparently eated and dropped stuffs t our hearts content. And of course, laughed till we stomachache. And i really thank God tday that He has sent such a wonderful angel ( my counsellor :D ) t me :D DOGGIE :D I realllreally wanna thank *youknowwhoyouare* for letting me realise something vert important yesterday, you cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. There'll be no way i can say i FORGIVE you out loud if i dont befriend you. I wanna be a friend t everyone (: And tday i was so enthu loh. Jt say my diet v bad. And i went arnd whole school telling ppl. *i cant be bothered t type in chi* and i told mrtan i was scared of him. OHLOL. Chi Immersion Camp, i just love Xiaotong, Kina, Iris (: Iris is nice t bully. :D And she promised t help me tie hair. MrMun say i busy tday.. LOL.

I serve such an awesome God. And im really seeing how He works. :D

2009-04-15T05:35:00.000-07:00

Window of possiblities.

Morning we had camp briefing. Oh, thank God i found a way t put in my jap & church. (: And wow, i .. Later, i forced myself t find him. It wasnt easy, and i was real disappointed w myself. After that, went malay. Then went home. I feel like an utter failure now.

Where are You God? Where are you? Where is th joy & peace You promised in th bible? Is this really th chance t patch things up w him? But why? He's th cause of my scars. Th terrible scars. Ohgosh, why? Yet, he acts like nothing happened? God, does He deseve. I know, everyone deserves, but Lord, its so difficult, i dont feel like carrying on tmr.

I hate my scars, im so scared of them. Im so scared.

Direction in Life.

2009-04-14T07:48:00.000-07:00

Strings;

Thought i could afford a quick post here (:

This few days has been .. TIRING. With me not sleeping at all.. Yeah, but Easter was spent with Jesus, played and ahhaha, nice guitar ensemble :D & HAPPY BIRTHDAY BENEDICT! (: Before i forget! :D Hehhheh. Im so tired now i cant open my eyes. How nice. And i think i have an idea of my DIRECTION in life. Of course, to serve & bless others, after all, every man is Jesus in disguise! (: And i got in for th Cheena Camp, ohgosh, mum win liao -.- Dont really feel like sacrificing church time! :( Im so tired now. AHH! But math is not done. OHGOSH. i think i'll sleep already. Cant take th heaviy eyelids.

/Trapped, lost, didnt know it'll feel like this.

2009-04-10T05:38:00.000-07:00

He gave me a chance;

Tday is such an "eventful" day, of course, gladly with God as the centre of my day! :D

Morning woke up, did some work, went church. She refused t change th chords fr me. I was so upset over it. But God had His reason. (: Then throughout whole service my heart was ... Haiz.. But Philip came tday :D Then finally my time t play. It was so scary, i think i played till she cried, then she didnt point, but th Holy Spirit was there, His presence was so strong, and i just played with my whole heart out there. Music is GOD'S CREATION! :D Then WOW. Went back then nxt song she cried :( Tissue-Provider me :D Because im pepetually numb :D You can count on me! Was so scared when her head pain :(

Hahaha, went Funan and bought cute stuffs :D Then went home fr more pizza & maggie :D

Things seem so fragile;

Smile & make the world go round

2009-04-08T18:10:00.000-07:00

Dont cry (: SMILE :D

o8/o4/o9

Early in th morning, something not so nice happened. But Iris is our class councillor, 3 cheersfr that! MY MUMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYY is my class councillllllllllor! :D Then in parade square sat w MingXuan & Zhimin! :D Then teased & poked them till i shuang :D Something happened then. Went back t class then my sourtie chao bushuang :( Then talked & bullied my mummy, girlfriend, sourtie outside luhhh (: Then went back class, then when Clow come back then Clau cried luh :( Dont sadddd :( Then went down & apparently i called Jesse Lim Mrs Lim, which MissSaw said there was no MrsLim. OHLOL. Then Clau so sad :( Then recess i went find MrMun for my lost Math1. Lol. Who will go kope my book? FUNNY.Then more boring lessons. Went home & slept. Then i have 2 hrs straight of piano. Hey you, beat that. I was prac so tired. Cadence & melodies spoil my mood. And i appreciate being in a concert pitch instrument in band. Thank God. Then at night church i played drums, tyco. But mum buaysong i go bluff them said i didnt have scores. LOL. They are gullible, not my fault.

o9/o4/o9
E learning day is E failure day (credits t Chace). AHHAH. Server so lag -.- Soent whole morning on th com doing nothing. Then in th afternoon is better. Then aftrnoon packed stuffs! Eventful packing! Then i havent study at all! :( Need God's strength right here now! On a happy note, i helped someone released some stuffs tday, and she in return helped me see something so impt!

Jesus, Your name, holds everything I need! :D

Spirit!

2009-04-06T06:33:00.000-07:00

Hope's just there.

Eventful day! Morning when i was running, i was just so drained. No breakfast's fault! Then i really told God i'll run for Him! And so i didnt die! :D MUHAHAHA :D Power of His name eh? (: And then hor, i almost died in class. English just slacked. And MrKhoo is so funny! He cant believe that our hist can get stickers :D Nice and attractive mah! :D

He's just so great; its beyond words.

2009-04-05T05:26:00.000-07:00

He drew a heart in the air, and said He loved me.

Back from Malaysia. I dont know why, but i really cant push myself these days. Now its mind afer heart, not heart after mind. :( AHHH! It dawned upon me that my scars is my way of testing God. But now it has reached a stage, i dont know how t control. I feel so out of control, so useless. I want t forgive me, but i just cant bring myself to. Screw you Beatrice. The custom officer called me Beat-rice. Yeah, funnnny. i feel so drained out when i am doin nothing! Really nothing! Why am i so screwed up? So many doubts, hurts, and they're all coming back t me.

Go beyond religion, to see the world be changed, by the power of Your name!

Silver.

2009-04-03T08:10:00.000-07:00

He knows;

SYF

Finally, the long awaited day. Dreaded, but it was still there. Lovely April Fools, but.. In the morning, got so many pranks! Went t school, then met band members. Practiced in hall. The atmosphere was well, tense. MrTan was clearly stressed. Then we went for lunch, & i found out that i didnt bring band skirt. Then so tensed up & worried. Thank God it all went well. (: Then Miss Yeo talked t us, Mr Foo too. I just came t know that we're GOLD. Cool! Then went on bus, sat w them & played truth of truth. When we were in the tuning room, i just merely wanted to enjoy the performance later & grow to love my audience.

Finally, the time came. I just put on my smile, went there, enjoyed myself, and came down. Sure, there were flaws, and i wouldnt say that it was the best performance we could have put up. But i think it was great. & i overcame my fear did th best i could to glorify God's name through what i love. His magnificent stage, im just an instrument.

Watched the other bands perform, took photos. Compared our results. Then the moment came. When they announced Silver, many people cried. But i still thought we did great! Rachel, Felicia, Fiona, we did great! (: Dont worry! Went back t school, and on bus, they cont game. Super funny (: Went back & had talk, then dismiss.

I think NHSB did great :D Even though we missed the gold, we've done our best & thats enough. There's no need t be disappointed, we still rawk as a band (:
o3/o4/09

I dont know what t say. Its such a lost feeling im experiencing. Fine, i did what he wanted, and i dont know how much he has disappointed me tday. I really dont know. Forgiveness, how am i going t muster up th courage again? I felt i betrayed my dignity. Went back to class and lost my cool. It shouldnt have turned out this way at all. Screw me. Then he wanted t talk t me. Fine, but i hate it when he threatened. So i lost control. Yes, i did and embarrased myself in front of the whole world. Went back & wrote "Flight". My compo was so hypocritical. Then he wanted talk t me. Ohlol, i could imagine what he was gonna say. & he did, threatened me & stuffs. Then i went t do some Jap, which turned out t be quite fruitful, proving that solo study is my kind. Then he called me, so went up, then qpent th nxt hr ++ there. I must say, the barrier was still there. Its so hard. I cant do it! I tried t use some stupid excuse t trick him, but he's smart. My ugly scars, i know they suck. Where are You God? Where? Why do You seem so far away? Then she knew abt it too, i was juz so sick of hiding & making up excuses.

Surely children weren't made for the streets
And Fathers were not made to leave
Surely this isn't how it should be
Let Your kingdom come

Verse 2
Surely nations were not made for war
Or the broken and due to be ignored
Surely this couldn't be what You saw
Let Your kingdom come
Here in my heart

Chorus
And I will live to carry your compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be your hands and feet
And I will give with the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion to see the world be changed
By the power of Your Name
The power of Your Name

Verse 3
Surely life wasn't made to regret
And the lost were not made to forget
Surely faith without action is dead
Let Your Kingdom come
Lord break this heart

Bridge
Jesus Your Name
Is a shelter for the hurting
Your Name
Is a refuge the weak
Only Your Name
Can take the undeserving
Jesus Your Name
Holds everything I need.

Great song w such conviction that moved me right on the spot! (: Has been sometime since i listened t Christian songs, too many times i just cant bring myself t listen t them & fast forwarded them all too fast. Yet, i've not missed such a powerful song :D Praise God! (:

Lord, show me how t forgive. I need You Lord, right here, right now.

Shooting star.

2009-03-31T06:44:00.001-07:00

Starry Starry Night.

SYF tommorow
Im really feeling the kind of stress noe. Music making! its supposed to be an enjoyment, not a burden. Why should we fret over God's miracle? I think music is God's miracle, creation, work. Appreciate God's work! Just go there, feel the stage lights shine on you, then give your best shot! Leave it to God to give wisdom to th judges and done! Its just that too many of us just focuses on the Gold, and not the God!

Im feeling the tension, the weight, i want to run away! Im feeling the whirlpool of doubt. I dont know i dont know i dont know. Just let me go.

2009-03-29T05:20:00.000-07:00

Gave up.

Alpha Camp
Yeah, so yesterday, theo and ruiqi happily pangsehed me hahaha. Then Minting went crazy again. Played games, which were ultimately hilarious. And then sharing, then went home. Next day, then urm, games, sharing, then pray over. Which turn out to be a turning point for me.
I've decided, if theres no response, then im gonna give up on God. You, you forced me up there when i was totally unprepared. Then left me there. The pray over got me so _. Do you know how i feel inside? Who were you to say i didnt open up. I thought there was love, but you just.. I understand, and i've come to understand even better today. I need th kind of attention. Yeah, i know, all the teens cried today except me, i know im a loser, but does anyone know how i felt inside. I can assure you its worse than anyone there! But do you know? No, you didnt. Do you know? How much it stabbed when you just told me that YOU DIDNT OPEN UP. You couldnt see that i was trying? I thought you said you understood me. Why must i ALWAYS be the one consoling others, putting up a great big front, why cant i be the one breaking down? Cant God be a little fairer, what did i do wrong to deserve all this shit?! Then lunch, no one knew what happened. Then Praise&Worship, then sharing. Then could finally go home.

I give up. Its over. Its really over.

I feel so _ up And SYF is in 3 days. Screw you Beatrice.

Loser, Hypocrite, Liar, Cheap, Bitch, Bastard. Beatrice, you suck.

Game over.

2009-03-25T01:51:00.000-07:00

I love you no more.

Days now spell H-E-C-T-I-C. I dont know how to describe. Sometimes it feels as if my world is falling down, and im holding the sky with my hands. Sometimes i feel as if the burden is really weighing so much, and i wonder what it'll feel like if i drop the load. Like yesterday, at Singapore conference Hall, for a second, just a second i felt as if i were free, just on the stage, feeling the stage lights shine on me, and me giving my best to everyone. but then, when we started playing, i just couldnt play. Its disappointment, when you know you can do it, but you just dont have the time. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. And during lessons im just doing other stuffs that are related, like music, math, Japanese, Malay. There seems like this tunnel that im running at, but with no end. Im just seeing pitch black. Where is the light? There seems like so much to patch up. GOD, family, friends. So many things that i've neglected. Band is so much heavily neglected, so is church, japanese, school, malay, almost EVERYTHING. God, please be at work here!

Im not that sure about God anymore. Will someone please just give me a break?

Senstivity.

2009-03-21T06:58:00.000-07:00

I WILL FOLLOW HIM! :D

Back from camp! (:

Music Exchange, NanHuaSymphonicBand.

Woke up early. Then went school. I was still a little sleepy but was on the phone all the time to arrange for camp and stuffs. Finally boarded bus, and we tuned on a bus :/ Then we finally reached Henderson, i saw manymany familiar faces! (: Then we slacked. NanHua was the first band to perform! Thanks to Benedict's golden fingers! Then we went tuning room, and i sounded horrible. But i sort of had more things to worry about than my sound. But NanHua still did well! :D We played nicely :D Then listened to other schools play, we had break, and talked to alotalot of people. Went up and chatted somemore. Yuying and some other schools played really great too. Then i was slacking and calling, too bored :/ Then finally ended, and i left early, with teachers surrounding asking why. Church camp luh. rushed back home to have a 5 min bath and rushed down to meet dad. Eating in the car was super pressurizing. Hahaha.

Church Camp, Bottle Tree Park

My dad dropped me off at entreance, then took Yanyun jiejie's car to the campsite. Sports car man :D Then they already finished pitching tent, so just stone there awhile. Then got bible hunt :D Fast was not that fast uh xD Was strolling around with Rebecca, didnt really know the rest. Peiqi & CherylJoy groupleader uh xD I missed 2 Praise & Worships, Icebreakers, Rules & 2 Sharings. xD Then Bible Hunt we took so lng to find 1st clue. Hahaha, then the rest were quiite okay. Had debrief then sharing. Salt of the Earth and Light of the World. God is good (: Then bathe, but i didnt, bathe before i came. Had dinner, i pushed most of my food to CherylJoy and AuntySaylian xD Thankyou! :D Had Praise & Worship, then movie :D Super funny :D Lucas was joking so much about his favourite word. DAMN. But it was inspirational. Learnt alot! :D Then had sharing again. I got so angry. Dont eat your medicine! :( I knew it was coming. Saw that coming. Im sure she saw that coming too. Naughty. Went toilet after her. She must be really xinku. :(:(:(:(:( she came in and went out 5 times in total. i just didnt know how to make her feel better except be there for her ( i doubt it made any difference ). Then apparently the experts came and chased me out. Hahaha. Went back and they already finished prayer. Went to bathe when the others slept. Thanks Rebecca for going with me :D Then went back sleep. But obviously i couldnt. Was staring at the stars, they were so beautiful, so uniquely crafted. Stared at the stars and the bear for 2 hours.

Lol. Morning exercise we didnt know need to wear shoes, then got suan-ed by Brian korkor. I was trying so hard not to sleep. :/ So sleepy, didnt sleep at all! And the exercises were all the same. Then Praise & Worship. Then breakfast, i didnt eat, so slacked here and there. Wanted so much to go sleep. So tired. Then there was briefing and our group had to go join others. I and Gabriel go join EF. The people there alll super old lah, i youngest man. Then got icebreaker, super funny. Then got casualty challenge. Quite fun, but we screwed up one game. Then came back and got scolded during lunch, because they're group need super pay attention + no nonsense. Then lunch i gave food to Philip and auntysaylian again. (: Then water rafting, like everyone gave stuffs to me, and i have to look after. Went there and i did water rafting during p6 EF super fast luh. Did Transformers, super funny lah! :D Hahaha, then it started to rain so i went back with Philip & AuntySaylian then go bathe :D Then rain stop, went back then came back w them, i rested when they bathe, dont dare sleep though. Then go her tent make fun of her and snap pics :D She went off, then no one eat my dinner! :( So i had to finish it all by myself. :( Nice CherylJoy then took some food! :D Then had Praise&Worship again. Honestly, i love it the most! :D Then got sharing. It was really God talking to me!Let go kept repeating in my mind :( Then was encountering with Holy Spirit. I didnt stand up luh, no one in my group did. I was sick luh :( Then i was trying so hard to forgive, but there was just no answer even though i searched really hard. NUMBNESS. Then had small group sharing, then quite interesting to hear stories. I think they were quite pissed that no one stood up for our group. Then went to sleep & we could have handphones backk! I konked off, then woke up.

We woke up & i packed stuff, then exercise super funny! No one could break the record of my house budding group people loh. I have evidence, the video! (: Then had Praise&Worship, gogogo Charlotte! :D Then had sharing. Then telematch! :D This time FAST is really good :D At least i think i enjoyed it! Then we had prize giving, we won the most enthu Praise&Worship group prize :D We love praising God what :DDDDD Then Gabriel won most improved :DDD Way to go! :D Then had last Praise&Worship :( Then RELEASED! I went with Cheryl change clothes, then waited for the rest to debrief, then went with Adelia, Abby, AuntySaylian, Damien, CherylJoy, CheylTan to eat lunch :D Then ate and i was nice to treat Damien drinks :D Even though he was meannn. MEANIE! Went home and END :D

Life now is really tiring!! :(

Sit & Rot.

2009-03-18T06:47:00.000-07:00

That crude finger! (:

Betrayal;

Dont blame me for being crude. I just think this is hilarious (: Something to cool me off when im so f_ed up now. Its like people just like to play me out. Say YAY. Im going to Katib MRT myself tommorow. Really cool right? (: Get to sit and think and think and sit and stare and rot and rot and stare :D So cool right? And rot at camp all by myself. And rot and rot and rot and be extremely careful careful and careful. :D None of my clique is going okay. NONE. And i just purely rotted at Jap lesson today. What nana piaku shit. HAHA. Im beong crude here. But Jap is that crude. And i rotted too at buddinggrp tday, played like S.H.I.T and was just polluting AuntyAgnes's beautiful music. Comeon i just dont have the talent. And was sitting there and i have not finished my homework. Stupid art. Screw art. Screw art. Screw art. Screw math. Screw math. Screw math.

I think its hilarious how big a failure i am. HA.HA.HA. So funny. Not funny. Wonder why F.A.I.L.U.R.E spells my life. Bye people, i'll really miss you all during camp, and i really hope to come back in one piece after camp. I'll be glad to be able to blog again when im back! Screw holiday homework. Screw holiday homework. Screw holiday homework.

Screw you Beatrice, Screw you.

Cutting the string of the kite;

Just being with you.

2009-03-15T06:11:00.000-07:00

祷告做的事，我的手不能做。

I am thinking of You.

So many stuffs happened in church today. Eventful, but ..

In the first place, you cant get your facts right, and you have to insult me, complaining to her, yet still openly criticizing me in the public. Im naive enough to accept it kay. Like you're obviously... I dont know how to describe. Things are so different now, but i tell you, im gonna do exceedingly well in my music. Just to prove to you that I DONT SUCK IN MUSIC LIKE YOU THINK I DO. But thank you Ruiqi and Theo! (: Best buddies! :D

To you too, you think im gullible?! I trusted you because i think you were a different friend. But in the end you just got me so _ up today. Where's your promise? I know you're going for camp now, but it still...

Next, you didnt care about me at all. Its like im so diappointed. You didnt even want to sit with me. I know that i suck, but you dont have to hate me like that. I knew that you head hurt alot, but i couldnt do anything. Then i dont know.

To you, i know that you're just trying to clear up the mess and acting caring sort of stuffs.

To you, i dont know whether to blame you for whatshe did. As in, we're very good friends, but i felt that you had to force her to do that. I know im being extra kinda thing, but even so, dont treat her like this, she's your Godma. Respect her kay?

To you, i just felt things changed. you didnt even chase after me when i dropped my wallet. I admit, its my fault, but the whole morning and afternoon before lunch there wasnt even a single part where i felt your care and concern. its like even when i cried you werent there. You just ran away, even going to the rooftop. I know you knew what i was going to do right? but im glad we both broke down and understood each other.

To theo, thanks so much for staying through everything with me! My very best buddy! :D Thank you! :D

I dont even feel church like a church.

There are like so many things to do. My internet connection's down. :(

Im gonna study hard from tommorow. BEATRICE, NO MORE SLACKING! (:

Potest Qui Vult.

2009-03-14T03:22:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday!

I was always there, always there;

Happy Birthday Joey & Raquel! Im so sorry i dont have a photo of Raquel with me :(

I really dont know, i really dont. i didnt know why i cried, i didnt know why i didnt manage to control even though i told myself i'll never cry infront of you and make you sad or worried again.

Sometimes its so intense, like i have just nothing in my head but those words. I finally know what it feels like to actually go crazy. I have just too much inside. I know you're disappointed that i decided to stop trying for God, but well, im just too tired. Nothing seems to be able to go well, just proves how big a failure i am.

Nothing seems to be going on smoothly, my holiday schedule just spells C-R-A-Z-Y. I have just so much to do plus camp. A big thank you to my parents who just told me i cant survive and blame me for my disastrous results.

I dont know why im giving God up. I really love Him, more like i really want to love Him. Its just that i find it pointless to keep on trying. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

I just feel so drained.

I know guitar too, you loser. Dont make me take measures. Loser. You started it first.

2009-03-12T07:38:00.000-07:00

Its over; the game's over.

No, i dont want to fake anymore. I dont want to be such a frigging hypocrite anymore. I've disappointed God just too much. Maybe thats why everyone hates me. Im just a stupid substitute when they dont have anyone. Im just too fabricated, too hard to understand. Im just not as innocent. I dont get what God wants me to do; I dont get what the world wants me to do.

Everything seems to be screwed up in my life. Studies. Family. Values. School. Friendship. Love. Music. Church. Like there's too many things, i just dont get my focus, my momentum. I really dont get what God wants, i really dont know what He wants me to do. When i try even to let go, i get nothing in return. Just more coldness and numbness.

Metamorphosis. I just dont get it. Screw you Beatrice. Screw you.

2009-03-09T08:01:00.000-07:00

Elmo! (;

Its amazing how you can speak right to my heart;

Demoralizing marks. Who t blame but me? Despite th headaches, sorethroat, fevers and all, no one t blame! Lost control tday during bio. :(:(:(. Jiayou lerh beatrice.

There are juz so many stuffs t do even aftr CT! Even more stuffs actually! Theres like urghhh, this huge workload thing that cant get off my shoulders. And i havent touched on art yet. God, please help me!

But im really taking a break for camp. Damien has promised not t dao me (: AHHH! Like during camp i still have music exchangeds t attend. My schedule is really crazy. But i will still try t find time for everyone kay (:

I feel a need t do something abt me and him soon. Soon man. FORGIVE. I see that soon! Really soon! God is doing something! And i feel th great need t get over and done with that thing. Suddenly, i dont love orange and blueberry tea anymore. Praise God! (:

/I see it soon！

2009-03-06T07:32:00.000-08:00

Simplicity; yet hardest t achieve.

Results are somewhat depressing. Ahha, work harder! Press on! Tdat was kinda okay and funny. I cant believe i actually called mrmun daddy. Was like laughing so hard. But it also helped me let go abt th person. Im actually quite impressed w myself being able t control since he was back. My laogong was so proud of me (: Right tiange? (:

This roadrun was different. And all th more i thank God. Plus all the emotions that i went thru these few days, thank and praise God (: I didnt want this blog t be known by him, but now i think its okay t let him see. Like who cares abt his reaction when e sees all these. I think his presence somewhat irritate me, sad t say.

Anyway, its been a tiring week, and im disappearing t m`sia tmr :( Miss me guys. And im seriously starting t hate jap. Urgh!

Hehheh, but yeah. Fine. I'll be like mugging hard frm now on. That i promise you guys (:

Agape,
ELMO's most trusted confider (:

2009-03-03T04:14:00.001-08:00

All too late.

Exams are finally over. And im finally back t blogging aftr abandoning it with an angry post :( So now is rotting, but i have so much more t do. But its not a sin t rot just one day right? I reckon so (:

So i still have so many notes, projects, blahblahs t do. Considering my jian4 bu4 de2 ren2 results 200% effort muz be put in. So i wont rot away.

But still, God had blessed me abundantly during this crucial period, and praise God that im only falling sick on th 2nd last paper. LALALA, anyway, i still thank God that im sick anyway, many hidden blessings in it. And most of all, for every devotion during this 2 weeks. Really, God's msgs fr me were all so clear, and they just help me and lift me up when i was crying so badly and so stressfully throughout, but God's words pressed me on (: But roadrun.. i guess i'll still go.

Its like, on mon, when blahs come back, its like they dont really matter alr. And yeap, i want this yrs roadrun t be diff frm last yrs, its like... dknow how t say.

I think Shakespear is a great author,
but i think God is an awesome author (:

2009-02-21T06:49:00.000-08:00

Should i cancel tuition? i think so, so i will cancel. CANCEL. And study t make sure i wont fail. I really hope i dont die. Yah, so if i die at least no one will know i act still have a blog, 2 actually. AHHAHA.

YAY! HEHHEH. No one knows how much im crapping here. WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO! I feel so "high" i feel like dying. Im really just typing crap. I really hope i dont die. I know i wont hurt myself now alr. I keep promises. Just drastic things may happen, like a car run over you or smthing. Or a tree falls on you. Or you die of heart attack. All thoe WOW things. HAHAHA. Its not WOW now alr. LOL. I act have no idea how i am going t face th Cross tmr. Will i be alright? Or i'll die before tmr? like die in sleep thing? then i'll have things undone. ! WOW, then i wont have time t do so many things! HAHAHA. Where's me forgiving him? where's me screaming at th beach. Or me looking at the sea cry with me? Where;s me sitting looking at all th stars? Wheres me lying on th grass telling them how much i suck or how much my life suck? I want t do all those things. Where's me slapping him at th face and cursing him for spoiling my life? Wheres me crying with myself? I have so many stufffs undone. And i feel like slapping someone now. I'll do it t myself then. Screw me. Screw mw.

2009-02-21T06:38:00.000-08:00

Faith;

Its fun t MIA your blog.

Tday, was jap class in th morn. Dad dropped me, then i went up. Got msg, then i rushed down. And i f-ing lost myself again. And it isnt v nice when you still have a jap class t attend. GREAT MAN. This is what you call efficiency of handling emotions. HAHAHA. I think i failed man. Looking at th way i cried. Its so .. hey, whose life is that sucking? LOL, i think i've LOST myself alr. Great. I feel DRAINED. I dknow what im feeling. And it sucks. I lost myself alr. I want t be able t control.

Later was tiring. And i dropped dead and for a moment i wish i didnt exist. GREAT MAN. So i'll go home and study. Im cancelling MissLee's tuition t nxt wk instead. Im not in th right state for tuition. I'll break down infront of her. Sometimes i just feel like taking some txtbk and smash it on my head till either i die or it gets in. F man.

I DONT LIKE DEPROVING RESULTS. I feel so ashamed of myself for no particular reason. Thts all, im rushing art. Bye, i hope i dont die.

Its too late, isnt it?

2009-02-17T05:44:00.000-08:00

I am thankful i know such an:
AWESOME GOD! (:

To think of so many things that happened on Sunday, God was with me th whole day. Praise God for that! (: I obiously knows how it feels like t feel completely drained out, sick and tired of everything, even God. And on Sat, i was practically so drained out that i couldnt sleep and i was crying and crying like no one's buisness and i was blocking out every thought w those words, and my dear s_, p_. Crazy. And on sun, in th morn, it wasnt much better either. God never gives up on people, even th biggest sinners. Aftr being so drained aftr so many weeks, God still chose th perfect time t keep me going! (: Praise and Worship was definitely a WOW (: But sharing was WOW-ER (: Usual me wanted t block out everything, but Gocd has His plans :D CHANGE. What a powerful topic! (: 3cheersforGodman! :DDDDDDD And i just felt that God was speaking directly t me! (: And during th prayer, i could feel th anoiting, so strong! :D Praise God :DDDDDDDDD I made 2 v big promises! W God's help of course (: God is working :D And i felt refreshed aftr so long! God is working, even on th bigest sinners :D Amen!

So th 2 v big promises i made, i ask God t help me, and strengthen me, even when im most weary, i'll soar like eagles in th sky (:

God is so good! (: Just that He chooses th most perfect times t touch us and refresh us :D

Agape guys (:

So its with EVERYTHING i am! (:

2009-02-13T06:01:00.000-08:00

/So its with everything i am,

YOYO (: Tday was nice (: Woohooo! :D Hmm, morn went school rushed cards. Kh keep bullying me (: Then gave presents, then class. Recess, class. Test i did baddly lohh :( Then got lots of deliveries. Thanks everyone fr your presents (: Then math lesson, i think MissLee using MrChan's com and i was too shocked. So i screamed :X Then FINALLY like school end (: Went out w EPSA (: Loveher <3 AINI :D

Sometimes when we look at life, it all goes down t nothing. Blame th fame and temptation.

Its scary when i lose control. LOL.

"Juliet, do you remember how i used t hold your hand?"
"Romeo, im afraid its history."

2009-02-09T06:27:00.000-08:00

I am not cruel, i tell nothing but th truth.

YOYO(: Yesterday and today was funnn (:

Yesterday morning. I woke up frigging early t go church myself cuz my family going somewhere and i have organ. I stupidly woke up early, got on an empty bus, and spent my whole time lookign at th sky and th grass in church. Say WOW. I really did spend sometime gazing at th cross and well, thought about alot of stuffs. Really got down t a clear fact that i am not treating my life properly. Then Ruiqi come then prac organ lohh. Then aftr that went eat and they had this who treat who game. (: Then cant find key so no choir prac, then i and Ruiqi fool arnd here and there (: Nvr play w th rest lehhh. Went centre and then i didnt know if i let go. LOL, then was fooling arnd during sharing. THE JACKET! (: Then went fr lunch. Which reminds me i havent pay yet!!!!! Then went back fr budding grp. then smthing sad happened. Went home and had family dinner. LALALA.

Today th lit test was like sneezing and sneezing. But th content was so ... nice?! As in, it describes the mirror so profundly but we can decipher it i guess. Then assembly go bully jiayun. Then had lunch w mum, slept at home. Had dinner w family.

And now so i know, i know. Life is just like this.

2009-02-06T05:16:00.000-08:00

/With You by my side.

LALALA. Lets declare this a dead blog. (: Okay. On Thurs, there was bio test which i apparently flunk. So its no use staying in th rooma nd not going fr budding grp. You still end up w sucky results. So i was affected, mood like downhill. Hahaha. Then assembly, boringggg. Then Malay, i sit behong Jethro (: He kp bullying me and stealing my pencilcase. LOL. Steal 2 times. V shuang isit-.- Then he kena on stage (: Then well, had cheer competiton. 2o2 was quite cooperative (: And i kp thinking its still 1o2. I prefer th past. Then went t class and saw th 1o milos again (: Thanks Jethro (: I prac lost it. Siccors ruler siccors ruler siccors ruler siccors. And th red scars were stilll there during band prac. Thank God no one saw except fr Yuwei. Then went home w Sunsan, Jieyee and Yiran (: Long time nvr go home w them lerh. MrTan's car flew past and scared me. LOLL. Then went home and died during revision.

Today was just as badddd. My hist test gonegame liao. Chi also. Then went up 2o3 find clique talk (: Then i bully Jethro and Zhimin was funny (: Lesson was boring and i dont like Sing To The Dawn, so boringg. But still better than MissKali's class (: Eli, Rymond and Junwei super funny (: Dangling _ (: Then eli try memorise th New Testament, lol, his song diff frm me. Then he super gaoxiao lah (: Then put cheese inside th fridge (?) MrMun say its his fridge LOL. Then why MissNg things inside siaaaaaaaa. Then Joey became super excited. LOLLL. Then Geog die liao :( Then went pick Benedict back. (: Then he got uber digusted w th cheese. Then went home and slept. Head painnnnnnn :( Talked t epsa at last. Lost it again. I hate myself.

Why am i going back t _ again? Is it so fun t self-mutiliate. Sometimes maybe its my way of stress release. And im surprise di dont mind th scars now. Whatever ppl think. Its my hand, not theirs.

Dont fight here fight there on my blog lah. Not happy w MrChan go find him your own self lah -.- Dont come my blog here complain and use his name.

Sorry i dont reply t my tags since so long. Dont bother liao. My tagboard is not fr y'all t pollute here pollute there. Dont like me then tell me straight in th face lah, dont come use MrChan's name write here write there go create trouble fr me -.-

2009-01-28T06:00:00.000-08:00

/ You're th one that i'll always miss, never thought it would feel like this.

Complete report of my CNY `o9! (:

Sat .

Had jap. I was happy during break (: I dont like hirigana. Have test nxt wk :( Then dad carried bakwa go fetch me. Zzz, went t his office, go in th car, then he went up and do lots and lots of stuffs. Fetch Jitseng and he couldnt see us -.- Blind Jimmy, bad Jimmy! :B Then went home, and i did frantic last min packings. Finally set off luhhh, then custom jammmm! Reached there and slacked and listened t my songs. Super shuang (: Then i started t miss Spore. Started deleting some sms, but have t eat dinner. LOLLL. Then went for flower exhibition and took loads and loads of photos! (: I'll post them at facebook soon! Then i had a great time there! Thank God (: Good bonding, and nice flowers (: Went home and Junseng to down his friend's car. Bad Andy, didnt follow us! :D Went t sleeeeeeep, but of course i couldnt. Then i started roaming thru my smses. Ohgosh, missed Spore so much! ESPAAAAA! (:

Sun.

Woke up and found myself bitten up by insects. I was screaming. Ohgosh, didnt go church cuz everyone woke up too late. :( My poor body. Bitten :( Then went down t help th decos. Then went up t write letters (: Ate lunch then dinnner at home. boring day, missed spore so much! played guitar, fooled arnd, and went t play w th dog. Countdown! Then got so many firecrackers! Angbaos (: I couldnt sleep cuz of th firecrackers! SOLOUD! So roamed thru smses again.

Mon!

Woke up so early! Changed prepared and WOW. Hecticccc :X Then finally go Pontiannn (: YAYYY! (: Went there collect angggbao (: HAHAHA :D Then chatted and ate lunch. Baiiiniannnn (: Went house aftr house. Go there collect angbao (: HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA (: Fun, had fun w cousins clique (: Jimmy, Salsa, Andy, Bendict, Benjy, MEEEE (: Then koped alot of food, my bakwa, this and that :D So fat :( Then went back for dinner, sit UncleAllan's car back. Slept, super tired. Went home,talked t Salsa and found out stuffs, then waited for Maria and Grass t comme (: They came at last, and had a great big time playing w th fireworks, i really love th bonding :D We're a good and fantabulous batch of cousins! (: I almost dies ppl, th fireworks shot past me. Thank God i didnt get killed ppl. I nearly died. WOW. Thank God Thank God Thank God Thank God :D He's such a awesome God (: Then go watch pics, dad brought projector in! (: Then slepttttt (:

Tues.
I was perpatually looking at th bigbig clock waiting for th time t go Singapore. Had a nice lunch w my bigbig but fabulous family (: Th yisheng keep going on my hand :( Then FINALLY reacher Spore and i called Epsa (: She super funny but still nice (: Then i on big buisness w my phone! :D Then go Hougang 1st, saw how God really works in my relatives, saw how prayers work, how Holy Spirit works in us! (: Had Praise and worship 1st, then i was walking arnd taking vids! (: W Jimmmmmmmy! :D Then koped all th Ferreros and sweets. Plus my coke. (: W Salsaaaaa (: Then talked and fellowshipped. Then started praying, and wow, saw how they were totally for God and how th Holy Spirit works. You just have t pray, but pray w your heart. (: Went other houses, and i saw my junior again (: SUPER CUTE when he sings nanhua schoolsong cann ?! (: Then went t grandma's house and saw mrchan. LOL. My cousin said he looked like some contrasting person w a bright orange bag. LOLLLLL. Went up and had fun koping sweets and coke (: Th house super nicely deco-ed cann?! (:

I had a nice and fufilling blessed Chinese New Year. May God cont t bless all of y'all abundantly (:

My blog is rotting. My life is rotting. My life dont rock. It is freakingly tiring. You try it. And HAHAHA, i dont know how t describe it. My everything doesnt seem t rock.

Behind all th glam, do we bother t look at th depths? Or are we too shallowed t just believe th front a person puts up. Someone's life maybe so pefect and flawless on th outside. Good grades, good family, good looks, good job, good life, lots of money, etcetc. But behind, do we bother t take th trouble t see whats within a person? Do we just make friend because th person might be of help t us in future? Do we despise those poorer kids in other countries? Do we shun away from ppl who ask for money on th streets? Do we give t those who need it more? Give and expect nothing in return. Yep, all of us may write or say that we're so generous, so gracious, or we have a big heart for God, caring for His ppl, but do we do that? We sing that we glorify and exalt Him in all we do, but do we mean it? Do we even care for someone who is in need? The poor, the sick are all Jesus in disguise, so we dont even care for th One who saved us? I just want t clarify that i love everyone, and i try not t double standard my frens ( except for special cases). And all of you mean so much t me. Plus my family, which reallyreally mean th world t me. Even when i dont say it, when i antisocial, i still love y'all okay?

Im crapping cuz im too stresssedd. This is stress release. My blog is rotting. At least im doind smthing now. I have church earlyearlyyyyy tmr. God help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

/So tiredddddddd.

2009-01-23T07:05:00.001-08:00

/Mirror Mirror on th wall, who is the best of them all?

Tday chi new year celeb, MrMun still teach. Bleah. Amanda likes Majesty too! (: Then went hall for chi new year celeb, then well, quite okay bah. Only th teacher singing past abit entertaining. And i sort of made Joey angry during th lion dance.

Was really angry w th cleanliness ppl, i had impt stuffs t rush to. And their solutions and advices for me were LOL. Then i ran off w Yuwan! (: Shared and told her stuffs :D LoveYuwan! (: Then met up w epsa! (:

Went Vivo, saw lots and lots of ppl! Ate at sushitei! (: Ate so much siaaa! Then lots of stuffs happened. Lost it, regained it, lost it, blahblahblahblahblah. Then went Ben and Jerry's for icecream :D

I'm going m'sia tmr, so miss me! Free t sms me, but i'll only reply on tues or wed. :(

Lots of things happened during this week, as busy as i am, i still thank God who keeps providing for me, listening t me and attending t my every need! I am really blessed t have frens around me t cheer me on! (: And most of all, i have th One above who loves us all and NEVER fails us!

/For I am weak, then I am strong!

2009-01-17T03:53:00.000-08:00

/There are some things that only God can do.

Friday.
HAHAHA. I went t school. Like who wouldnt? And saw Junwei and Yewheng on th way. Then went t sit w them. Cikgu cont frm MrMun's talk luh. Class Spirit blahblah. Then went for some stupid talk, and MrsLimLyeSim can rmbr my name. :/ My art is ohmygoshly pathetic. I've really no forte. Then theres some guy who said he was our snior, then he kp making ppl stand up. Then later th survey i finished fast, then everyone staring at me :/ Then Clau and I apparently got really pissed at th Elijah arrangment thing, Clau was really pissed, asked her t chill man :D Before that she alr super bushuang alr at th biasness in th class. Then I, Clau, Zhijia, Jiawei one group! :D Took 4 girls :D They abit enthu. I zibei loh, Chinese super lan :( Then brought them arnd, like no one talks, and i have t do th filling in. Again, i was like lift lobby is diantilou. Then it sounded wrong :/ Then went back t class clau ask abt MrMun's name (?) He also cantonese. As expected -.- Then lunch i didnt want t be antisocial cuz followed clau they all mah, then go down PE staffroom help w th stuffs. Then ask MrChan treat me peachtea, then i realised i couldnt drink. Clau super brave go drink loh :/ Super sweeet man! Then Mr JT scared me when he suddenly stand up and said he was tired. Appear out of nowhere liddat -.- Then he was reading th programme sheet. Then he translate t english. DaLian is Daelion (?) Super funyn loh :D Then well, Joey happily explored _'s table. She super happy luh. Then i was like saying something really funny :D Then JT started talking abt Elijah, damn funny. Then i helped Cikgu glue th thing back. Keep dropping -.- Then well, went down find them, come up for talk, super boring, slept, thank God Joey woke me up. Then HAHAHA. I vandalised my drawing block happily. :D Kept writing out how i felt. Then crying, LOL, super funny. Then did duty, then HuiXin gone, i needed t go loh. Go down find MrMun w Joey, then something made me really sad and pissed. Like did he need t be so bias? Th change wont affect anyone. So what if he doesnt like me? Im still someone in 2o2. LOLLLLLL, he threaten us ask us get out of th class, i cant be more happy to. Then he super pissed me off and i started crying when he left, super pissed :/ Thanks Joey for being w me :D Then went down saw _ at paradesquare, then i even worse loh :/ AHH! Went home.
Satuday.
Jap class start liao. Th teacher goes like freaking fast. And im th only sec student. Freak man. Th man beside me super enthu. Like its super diff. Then they have buzzers :D Went home w mum. Something i saw made me sad. I am freaking like stresssed up. Need God's guidance mannnn!

an·ti·so·cial
adj.
1. Shunning the society of others; not sociable.
2. Hostile to or disruptive of the established social order; marked by or engaging in behavior that violates accepted mores: gangs engaging in vandalism and other antisocial behavior.
3. Antagonistic toward or disrespectful of others; rude.

So this is antisocial. I get it, now i do.

/ One step at a time, there's no need t rush.

2009-01-15T05:37:00.000-08:00

/ HAHAHA, not funny.

Yesterday super funny luh. Recieved good news, Jieyee is returning t band! Praise God! :DDDD Then pei her go eat. Then aftr school got sec1 audition. They super guai loh, then got one look like _. Then MrTan said i was insane. Like he said flute is th lousiest instrument, thenhe said some blah stuff that only Kina can rmbr :/ Met up w _! Super happy! :D But well, still cant keep t my promise! Completely broke down, too stressed up. I dont even dare t look at my timetable -.-

Tday well, was drained. Woke up 4.30 t study, then went school Then went for band, felt like throwing up, so didnt go drills. Slacked awhile w Cross Country, then they went. Slacked w Xiaotong. Sunsan managed t bluff them, Then i felt so cold loh. MrTan asked if i was skipping the sun or th drill. I was skipping both. -.- Slaced. Went arnd. Went up band room pei Jieyee :D Then slacked. Then i play arnd, not that sick liao. Praise God! :D

/Hyprocrites.

2009-01-12T07:04:00.000-08:00

/ Because charade's th game we play.

LALALA. I only remember yest and tday's events.

Yesterday was church. Then was sitting w clique. 3 ppl play organ, tyco luh :D But i played badly. :( Then i apparently pissed _ off. Then went fr choir. I sight read th whole score. Tyco and ownage man. Then went t centre. At first was stilll okay during PraiseandWorship, only when i started t get a little out of hand, then blahblah. Was too overwhelmed w stuffs :/ Bleah. Then like everyone asked me why :/ Confused. Numb. Was more like _. Then sharing was complete talking. I didnt even take down notes. Then later ppl kp telling me its okay its okay. Bleah, whats okay?

Tday, was quite okay. Thank God that MrsOng didnt go thru wrkbk. And praise God that Vera could at last open my locker. Proves that prayers do work! (: And then went find mrmun. He abit funny only. Then went fr band. Drills, boring. Band was blahblah. Welcome t flute Xiaotong (: YAY! :D Only sectionals were fun! They were imitating _. Damn super funny! :D Esp Ashley & Vincent. Listened t them throughout man! :D Super funnnnnnnnnnnnnnny! :DDDDDDD Phone died on me. Went out call.

/ My eyes set on You, in this race that i run.

2009-01-10T06:01:00.000-08:00

/ Suddenly, th strong isnt all that strong, and th weak isnt all that weak.

Hmm, tday morning, i woke up at 7.30. Thank God that my great mum managed t speed there on time! Praise God man :D Then met w Flute t do th last min deco. HEHEH, Apple and her not-so-nice bass clef. Then went up, slacked w Joyce, Kina and th rest.

Went t see th performances. BB is funny. And Dance is nice (: Saw Clow, Jiahui and alot other NCC girls (: Then saw Wanqing and Karhui and th rest of SJAB too (: Ahha (:

Went back in, even more classes. 1o2 is really our juniors man, super unenthu. Talked t Iris when she came (: Steal sweets :D

Slacked summore. Felicia and me sent things until siao (: Then i noticed th tambourine. Now im grateful for th church tambourine. See what state th green one is in. You'll faint man :/ Then Benedict is superpro (:

Got saboed by Felicia t play th last 3 songs. Summore got one must play whole thing :/ Diff siaaa :/ But thank God it went okay (:

Went home, slacked. Slept. Did sone homework. Urgh. Dont like life. And auntielingling asked me t play this week and nxt. So i was like mugging and figuring out scores. But thank God i figured them out :D And she said something that encouraged me (: Only i dknow how t reply :/ AHHA! (:

I went t see something. And it made me qn alot. AHH. Nevermind, im going t leave it t God. I got too many things on my mind :/

The strong isnt that strong after all. It always proves me right. Since young, i've always stood on this def. Its true, usuallyth weaker ones are stronger in th end. Those that keep everysingle thing t themselves end up hurting more than anyone else, resulting in weakness. So, my point is, im glad God enlightened me on this since really young, so i have th chance t meet ppl that i'll never forget in my livfeBecause i saw that they are so strong on th outside, but so shallow on th inside. (: Because no one will ever be so strong t brave through everything. We are not God, so we wont have th power too. Faking smiles, happy-go-lucky's are just masks that we put on everyday, but when you stand in front of th mirror, you just figure that you dont understand th reflection. Because you're too shallow, too empty.

Seems exactly like me right? Ahha, self descripton.

2009-01-09T06:47:00.000-08:00

/ Th world behind me, th Cross before me.

Flunking my bio. What a nice day. But aiyah, still thank God i remembered th definition :D And ahha, i was nice enough t attend drills. Tday was blahblah.

And Joey,
you and your S-TEEEEEEE crap. But i still enjoy all your company anyway. So thanks :D And ahha, go crazy for all your I-WANT-IT-ALLS. And dont be so angry w _, whats more he's gonna b your form cher anyway.

T Kh,
Hey! You dont have t get affected over others. Simply cuz we are not flawless, we are have times where we'll break down. And simply cuz you both know _, doesnt mean _ can affect you on his views or scold you.

Thank God th bookshop auntie could decipher my lock. Was thanking God so much! (: HEHHEH :D And then blah and blah and blahblah. Went t blah and blah and blah blahblah. Then i ask blah t blah for me. Then i feel blahter. Then blah and blah went t blahblah. I like th blah. I dont even think any normal person can decipher anything. (:

Lord You seem so far away.
A million miles or more it feels today.
And though I haven't lost my faith,
I must confess right now that it's hard for me to pray.
But I don't know what to say and I don't know where to start.
But as you give the grace with all that's in my heart.
I will sing.
I will praise
even in my darkest time through the sorrow and the pain.
I will sing.
I will praise.
Lift my hands to honor You
because Your word is true.
I will sing.
Lord it's hard for me to see all the thoughts and plans You have for me.
But I will put my trust in You.
Lord will meet Your guide to set me free.
But I don't know what to say and I don't know where to start.
But as you give the grace with all that's in my heart.
I will sing.
I will praise even in my darkest time
through the sorrow and the pain.
I will sing.
I will praise.
Lift my hands to honor You
because Your word is true.
I will sing. (2 times)

This descibes my feelings so much. But i'll still thank and praise God for everything that He has provided me with. My God is a God who provides! (:

2009-01-08T06:30:00.000-08:00

/Ohblahblah.

Morn.
Attire check went well, thank God (: Only my tie, forgot t push up luh :/ Sang Natinal Anthem and School Song so many times :/ And i didnt sing, until MrLiu was staring at me. Then i tio shocked luh :/ Zhimin and Jiayuna re funny people :D
PE.
Miss Saw is gullible(?). She really believe clow. Then well, run here and there. Then anyhow do pushups, cuz everyone also anyhow do. :/ Doing badmintion siaaaa, dont like :X
HCL.
3 periods. And i was guai tday, took down notes, prevented me frm drifing t my lala land again, thank God (:
Recess.
Well, decided t eat. Then was joking along w Sunsan they all. Super funny lah :D
Ass.
Slacked, listened t Joey talked about her cousin, Then well, im surprised by how ppl call my name. BEAT-REECE. LOL, new pronounciation. Cool man. Went up recieve award that time Ms Yeo keep asking me faster walk when i was alr faster than Yangyu. Iris and Edeline and Grace also got, plus Louis and Junwei. Thank and praise God man :D Was joking round w Iris :D
Malay.
Cikgu angry :/ Slacked and talked t Cher. Found out that my shifu has doen alot of stuffs sia :/ Im too innocent liao :D
Lunch.
joked arnd w Clau and Joey.
Music.
Miss Yeo was lookign for ME. Yes, ME. And she thot i transfered just cuz i tie plaits. :/ She was like YOU LAHHHH. Ohgosh, im so diff when i tie plaits mehh?
Math.
Mr Mun is a funny cher. He was saying he stayed in Tiong last time. Immediately all eyes on me :/ Whatttt?! My fault for staying near him?! And he said BingHwang goes t a blind man t cut hair (: Bling man HOW T CUT HAIR? LOL, i was laughing loh. Like he is top1 entertainment. kept me from thinking abt other stuffs. So THANKYOU (: Plus i didnt win th Eagles award. Got th GoodProg one. LOL. Was drifting away, thinking abt _. Then well, MrMun thot i improved, but i didnt. I just deproved way too much when he first came. That time too emo liao man. Then well, he's not coming tmr. That means more work.
Band.
Didnt have t prac much. Went down, and i am confused and numb?! OHLOL, But th grasshopper incident kept me awake :D On bus trip home was so tired, but couldnt sleep. So was listening t songs :/ AHH!

/ Give thanks for everything that comes your way, for God's in control.

2009-01-05T06:11:00.000-08:00

/ Jesus take th wheel;

I shall be a bad girl and not do anyhting tday. Shall just blog :D YAY! (: Insensible me :D

Morn.
I was freaking scared for attire check. I was praying real hard, thank God it went okay :D
Chem.
New cher. 2o1's form cher. Supposed t write a person write up. I finished it in 1o mins, and slept and read for th next 2o mins. Tired.
Chinese.
I havent finish proj. But then well, God's gonna give me strength man :D Then i wanted t sleep, was so tired.
Recess.
Hmm, stayed in class. Talked on hp w _. Then felt like sleeping. Didnt do much tuition. :(
Enrichment.
Gosh, we're taking wushu. Dont want leh. Then i actually want t pon go toilet, but then MrJQuek, MrMun and MrJT was patrolling, then i also dont dare go ask them. Almostfell asleep. But Jack and Yuren's sword thing was funny. I dont feel like doing wushu.
Bio.
Started lessons. OHLOL, so fast -.- I was guaikia and took down notes. Happily kept me from sleeping. Thank God man :D
Lunch.
Went t find cikgu. And then went w my darlings t eat lunch :D Then real funa and nice t play w them :D
EL.
Miss Kali take us so mnay periods. WOW. 1o a week. Was quite tired. Did a compo, wrote about heaven. Which really broaden my prospects. I thank God for that :D Made me think so much abotu how that plae will look like. And whats instore for us. Of cuz, couldnt write bout Christianity and stuffs, but nothing beats seeing God face-to-face :D But i was still a little energetic aftr i played w them :D I really thank God for them :D
Hist.
It was so funny. So funny. Esp if you sit w Junwei and Joshua. They can really make you laugh :D Funny cher :D
Band.
Edeline treated us some crackers. Then MrJT saw, then he say we evil. LOL! He's so funny, he went away, then he came back. We were still eating, and he was asking abotu a coin that i thot was his. Nothing much, maybe cuz it was first band prac, i played v badly. But i slacked w Kina, then MrTan come, and we were laughing! LOVEKINA :D Love my baobei :DmCombined was okay.

Its always hard t say goodbye. But I've learnt so much from this. Goodbyes may be sad, but they also symbolise a new beginning. So BYEBYE :D

/Faith t move mountains.

2009-01-04T05:30:00.000-08:00

/ Its hurting t see you hurt.

Yesterday, is crapshit. I dont use words like this so easily. Im an oversensitive and emotional person. I dont like hurting people, esp _. IM SORRY. Insensitive s*** -.-

Then organ was good, simply cuz Auntielingling forgot t push up th vol (: SHH! :D

Then later, i was sick :( It was so painful. :( Ate nothing :D Then my stomach was so painful :( I hurt some people like no one's buisness. Pull th trigger, kill me man :(

Then didnt go centre at first, wanted t go fr buding grp, my parents scold like _. I hate it when ppl dont kp t their promises. But in th end still went. Had fun :D And i love playing th keyboard. So cool can :D Better than piano. I think i can memorise some songs :D

I dont liek th photos though. I look stupid when i was young. So fat -.- So go play table-tennis w Dillion :D He's so cute! :D Go down, then Auntiecassey want pass us th thing, but alr passed by UncleBernard liao. Then went down, wait fr my dad t come. Chat w AuntieSaylian and Abby. I dont know French. And i said something sensitive. LOL. THen go home, kena nagged alot, then i attitude them dontwant follow them t exercise. LOL. Had a nice time at homw slacking and doing tuition. Abit of freedom.

Its not good crying yourself t sleep man. But emotional rides are still nessacary sometimes i guess. LoveGod :D

/ Father, You are King over th flood, and i will be still, and know You are God.

2009-01-02T04:05:00.000-08:00

/ Move on.

Tday morn im damn sleepy :/ Cuz last night so late then sleep, my mum had a hard time tying my plaits. I dont like plaits :/ Then went t school early, was so cold. Then i saw Tiangelaogong! (: Missed her so much! Then also alot of people (: Miss them man! Great t joke w them again (: It was such a "surprise" when i saw MrMun and knew he was our form cher. (inside joke) (: Then well, MdmWang suddenly come and scare me. Ask me t sms MdmZuraida or smthing. Lucky i didnt, cuz MrMun later say dunnid. :/ No attire check (: YAY! Then well, went t class, 3rd floor luh. 2o3 is 4th floor :( Cant easily sneak in alr :( Then later, MrMun say dunnid sms. And i got confused w th religion part of th pupil profile form. LOL. Then slacked, got caught fr my fringe. :( Then got talk, waiting fr _'s sms loh. Th talk v sian :/

Recess slacked w Joey. Called _. Then well, walkwalk w her. I dont like my plaits. :/ Then went back talked t th rest. I like my tablemates (: Amanda, Joey, Tiange, Me Chermaine. But then MrMun change her change there. I dont dare say so much, later i must change too. Played some game, th class can guess me derh loh, gonegame. Then Chermaine's one so funny (: Chatted somemore, more talks by chers. MdmWang came in, and i havent finish my proj. Dont care man. And thank God my PE cher is MissSaw. My prayer works man (: THANKGOD MAN (: And well, i really dont like my seat.

I went back home and slept. Im so tired. Im really tired. Im really tired. I dont feel like doing my chi. SO LETS SLACK.

I saw a really good verse tday. And i really thank God for that (:

/ Tears are precious (:

2009-01-01T03:53:00.000-08:00

/ We'll move on.

HEY! Happy New Year people! (: And talking about New Year, tmr's school reopen. I am a goodgirl and did tuition and theory tday, so my chers wont kill me (: YAY! (:

Went out fr lunch, then go queensway slack see bros but Asics shoes. Dont dare t ask my dad t buy for me, just bought new Adidas not long ago. But i bought orange fbts and converse shoes (: Expensive sia, but ahha (: YAY! :D Raining, then i want t go walk in rain, but mum dont allow, then dont dare say anything luh :/ So went home, did more work. I havent start on th chi proj. Im so dead. AHH! But i'll chiong, w God! (: Anyway, whats impossible w God? (:

So lets talk about New Year Resolutions:

1) Walk closer w God ( dont numbnumb one (: )

2) Do quiet time everyday, I MEAN IT OKAY (:

3) Not t bao any sms of phone call ( try to )

4) Dont curse anyone ( i promised mrchan man )

5) No vulgar! ( trytry! )

6) Be a nicer pupil in school ( dont attitude chers )

7) Dont be so bochap.

8) Be a nicer friend.

9) Be a good daughter, DONT TALK BACK.

10) And yah! Wake up when th alarm rings! ( centre)

11) Bring more ppl t Christ (:

12)Good results.

13) Must prac piano and drums EVERYDAY.

14) Dont wait till sat t prac my church organ songs!!

15) Tidy room, tidy workplace.

16) Dont msn and on com so much.

17) On fire for God (:

18) Finish all my homework. ( chers, i mean it! )

19) Serve in some area! (: ( if parents allow, that is )

20) Forgive him and th rest. ( God, give me strength man )

I think im done here man. So many stuffs, but i still think im going t survive nxt year. Be a nicer person (: And break my chains. Then done!! (: Im not going t do my math hmwrk during recess anymore. ( Mr Mun, i mean it man ). And Peiyi also, finish all your work!! (: Tmr is school reopen. I miss quite a few people.

/When God calls you, dont tell Him t wait. (:

2008-12-31T04:55:00.000-08:00

/ Elated.

Im happy okay, no im elated okay. So this was what happened. You know, how could i ever doubt such an awesome God?! God isnt th kind of God who listen t your prayers then go "hmm, okay." then forget all about it. He's th kind who gives us much more than what we ask in our prayers, provided we have 1oo% trust in Him. It goes both ways okay. Give t God, God gives t you. Plus He isnt th kind of God that will ignore you okay (:

Yesterday was blahblah. I wanted t join budding grp but my mum didnt allow okay. Then i pester and pester, still a NO, plus all th scoldings, that i want t find reason t escape, i cant handle blahblah. But then i just prayed and prayed cuz i know it was a chance that couldnt be missed okay :D At night i was giving up, cuz there's no way my dad was going t agree, looking at my busybusy schedule. But then i decided t give it a try, i didnt even talk abt th 12 hrs study thing. At first he said NO okay, then i was telling myself i tried my best, but then, he changed his mind immediately and willingly agreed okay. I can see God working in him for that okay (: And i was so happy he trusted me, and allowed me t go, and whats best is Theo and Ruiqi are both going! :D So you see, so long as we pursue th things in heaven, th rest will be GIVEN t us (: And it came in such an unexpected way, cuz my mum and dad nvr agreed t any church thing or youth grp thing. But this is awesome man, and why? Because an awesome God made it happen (:

And today i managed t go out w my mum despite my grounded thing (: YAY! (: Bought new file for church, cuz my old one was bursting. I love orange (: And we had turkey for "thanksgiving" dinner tday. Not like thanksgiving luh :/ W my cousins fooling arnd, but its quite funny. (: I still love my turkey (: I havent finish holiday hmwrk yet. Better chiong luh, if not cant go on sundays. CHIONGCHIONG! (:

I still have chi proj, my tuition hmwrk, piano theory and hist learning log. Im going t finish it okay. (: And school is starting soon. 1o3 form cher change loh. So say helloh t my new chances of sneaking in man, miss kali (: But its hard man, i have t go one floor down :/

Say helloh t a new year soon! (: God has blessed me so much this year, me waking up from my 13 year daze and well, a longlong and tough journey, but its a fufilling year (:

There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring

And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give

I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne

Because we can never sing enough t praise such a great God (: When we fall down, we have Jesus t pick us up again :D I want t love God more, i want t be less numb man :D

/ Amazing grace, how sweet th sound, that saved a wretch like me.

2008-12-29T04:58:00.000-08:00

/ Heart of stone.

Today is a sad day. Today is grounded day. Today is working day. Today is confusion day. I dknow how t express how im feeling inside. Sometimes i just feel like giving up everything that i have now. Anyway, it doesnt really matter. I dont know how t express. Maybe i shall just delete this blog, i dont see how im affecting others positively man. I want t lead a happy and carefree life, but i cant. AHHH.

Im sad, confused, but I DONT KNOW WHY. Its over, i tell myself. And it just comes back t me. Okayokay. Hmm, something here for my dearest asl (::

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine

Im really confused. Th more i listen, th more guilty, confused i am. I get it. I dont feel free, but i always have been free. Because i choose t think that way, because i am always falling into th trap. Because i always ask God t wait when He wasnts me t do something. Because of my mindset. ILOVEGOD okay, i really do.

God's grace IS enough for me. im th one thats unfaithful, He's faithful all th time. Again, God is greater than every problem! (: And God wont create a rock too heavy for Him to carry, and He wont create a prob too difficult for Him t solve. So, all of my probs are SOLVABLE.

But again, i think im pushing my limit. Its going off. I dont like it when my mind underperform. So yea, its underperforming, my emotional stamina is sososo low :(

xJ(: `XANDER:3 hello! haha! wow. ur parents are freaking pro >< href="http://th-deaddlyluv.blogspot.com/">GRACE hey beatrice! relink and tag me. tyty =]
Okayokay, will soon! :D

IRIS hey there, you dont sound good. ):
Stead, im okay (:

Sharpay tagg la orange-freak. u so long never tag me one lol. anw, i've got half of my results le. once i pass e 4 subs, then goodbye! *fly away* hahas jkjk.
Ahh, im so happy you stayed in nanhua!

mindy:] LEEZIMIN: D hahas tagged.
TWIN! (: LOVEYOU!

THEO:D and and link me at ur combined blog with ruiqi. an UPDATE there!!!
ahha, ask Ruiqi lah, im abit busy, will go there link you up sooN!

THEO:D escort me? i din even go!
I thot you going mah.

kina hey! tagged tagged taggged!(:
Thanks baobei!!!

Guest hope to talk to you more often see ya abbby
Guest guess who!? boo! boo! thats my godma in your pic hahah
HEY, ahha, yah, that auntieSaylian lohh! (: see you on sun!

Zhimin from somewhere too. Noff to Christina. EW just shut your crap if you have nothing better to say.
Details
2008-12-22 2:53 AM
#
Zhimin oh & to EW: you think Christina is the only person who can type this way in the whole world? who knows, maybe Christina copied her typing style off
Zhimin Aw, you cant cry. crying doesnt help ( though it does makes you feel better)
AHHA, i dont cry that often too, just that day. Thanks and boo t jack! ITS HIM!

ahma hey!! stay strong!! ahma is here to support you!!!
LOL, you're not my ahma.

weiqi hey beatrice! (: (: tagged
HEY! (: THANKS!

DOREEN heyheyyy ;D wheeee tagged ! ily & God loves you girl ! :}
God loves you t bits too dear! (:

Ew Ew you disgusting . why you want to type like christina . copy cat nia -.-
Stupid Jack! :(

liqiang haha.ur welcome.hope you had a great trip and it seems like u do.haha.enjoy ur holidays
you too! (: Funny guy!

yanlin tuesssssday!! love you!!D:
yanlin haha i didnt send you your pics!! muhaha!!
LOVEYOU (: yah loh, baddie :(

THEO:D btw, are u going church this coming sun??
THEO:D haiz go carolling also nev ask me along...
overseas lah you!

KIMBERLY o,o i meant banddddddmate
AHHA, im flattered (:

bern./ happy holidays? LOL.
bern./ haha you got my link wrong O:
Sorry, will relink soon :( happy hols too (:

KIMBERLY come back sooooooon
came back! (:

Wanying heyys...so u went in to m'sia yesterdae?? haha...so qiao-me 2!!!
REally? Didnt see you :(

owen yo beatrice!! tagged!
YO! (:

yanlin WHERES MINDYS BLOGGGGG
down th toilet bowl. LOL!

Huiqi :D HEY HOTTTIIIEEEE. Loves. Relink me yah!
hotieeeeeeee! okayokay, will soon!

bern./ which song. lol
BLUE CHRISTMAS!

Say He can turn all the not so good things around & make everything perfect again ..only if we let Him. may God continue to bless & guide you in all u do
Say hey girl! GREAT testimony! i'm really glad that you opened your heart to God & allow Him to touch & change you ...our God is great & full of LOVE!!
(: aiyoh, now then i reply this tag. LOL, iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou. GOD IS GOOD, ALL TH TIME (:

*imagine my replies in orange*

/You use the weak to lead the strong.

2008-12-28T05:45:00.000-08:00

/ Ramblings.

I dont like ramblings. I dont like t hear people ramble.

So today, in th morn, went w Ruiqi t get her things, then came back. Sat at th last row, i was anticipating th time man =) But sadly, got moved t the front. Which is so totally sad man =( Then aftr mass i was figuring out a way t put th _ into_'s bag. i suceeded withut anyone seeing at last :D Sense of accomplishment man. But i must thank _'s big bag, easier t stuff. :D Ate and then was chatting, then they started talking about th budding group, my mum still dknow whether let me join anot :/ I guess it'll just end up like my dad doesnt want me t go and stuff.

Then wentup, auntielingling ask me t sightread?! Summore it is numbers :/ Then was like so funny because th song didnt sound like that song. Which is why i was laughing like madd. Then later Ruiqi started talking about some real sensitive stuffs, and i shut her up just in time man. AuntieCatherine caught me on th phone.

Something made me really mad, like duh. I dont want t look aftr him okay? He is so irritating, he goes there just t irritate me, cuz he feels great?! Anyway, i wasnt feeling too happy, so was talking t Cassendra, Ruiqi, Minting and Adelia, we talked about some really stupid stuffs that made me feel bettter :D Then P&W, ahha, many people smsed me. Was like, jumping then phone vibrating. But i didnt feel better okay? Was thinking about stuffs which were'nt nice throughout th whole thing. Then sharing was like for me?! Ahh! Made me more confused, but more enlightened on some stuffs. When God calls me, i cant ask Him t wait. But th thing is im not sure whther He's calling.

Then lunched and slacked, was thinking about _. Then slept for 5 min. :/ Went for exercise at th Marina Bay thing, its nice okay :D Nice t go there some other day :D Then i wanted t go out w _ but i realised i was grounded. :( Then something made me sad, made me think of _. I am not ready, but i dont know why. Ran and raced my bros back, i like th wind (: Then went for dinner, w my phone vibrating all th time. People, im baoing soon. So unless you're th selected peeps that i usually sms everyday, then sometimes i may not reply. Im baoing soon man, congragulate me. :(

So, i am grounded, and maybe banned from com. Im reaching my 7oo smses and 5o outgoing mins and 3oo total min, so congragulate me. I dont even need a limit, i have a plan that has UNLIMITED SMS AND CALLS. But some nice parents stated that. So yeap, im sorry sometimes, i have t delibrately ignore your calls and stuffs. Im sorry :(

/There must be someway im gonna get out of this crap.

Im SORRY :(

2008-12-26T05:39:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry:(

To _,

im really sorry. Im sorry im sorry ;( I shouldnt have left you there. My dear, you didnt break your promise. You're th strongest person i've ever met (: I thank you for being there always for me. You've never failed t do anything for me, but today i ... :( Im sorry, i really am. Im supposed t be there for you too, but i made th wrong choice. SORRY :((((((((((((((((

To Jlsy,

Hey, dont be sad. Rather, im happy that you'll stay in nanhua (: Dont be disappointed. Jiayou girlfriend (:

Twilight is a nice movie. (: Just that not every seat has th thing t put your drinks. ._. I love paddington bear. I LOVE ***, I LOVE ELMO.

Im disappointed in myself, reallyreally. Im never there for any of my friends.

/Disappointed.

2008-12-25T04:55:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS! (:

Today means alot from 2ooo years till now. If not for th Someone who came down and proved God's love, dies t save us from our sins, we'll still be sinners :( Christmas isnt just about recieving and giving presents, its about th greatest gift God gave us, His only begotten Son. Our God is an awesome God! (: God is good, all th time! :D

So went t service in th morn. Sort of got scolded by dad before that. ._. Then reached there, th organ no sound. Lol, auntieAgnes still thought got sound, but its Uncle Matthew playing :/ So it was quite amusing, like 3 adults and me there figuring out how t on th organ. Thank God it could work :D

Minting and Xixi went tday again, but luckily we got seats early, so there were enough seats (: I helped Xixi button th vest, and my fingers were so red luh :/ Then well, th sermon was quite hard t understand, plus i wasnt really paying attention, i was ahhha, occupied by th girls talk. Plus praying that my parents wont argue and stuffs, morning wasnt really good :( Then my turn t play organ, i played badly loh, but finally dunnid prac christmas songs.
Went home t prepare. But then i sleepy, so slept, and i was awaken by Mary beating me. OHLOL, She reached. So we chatted, and my bro tells everything t Grace. The church thing they also know :( Then well, they came back from church, and prepared more. I was calling _, having a nice time, But then mum need th phone :( Then i was forced t play piano. Gosh! So many songs, my hand was aching! :( Was quite pissed because i felt they treated me like a jukebox. And i was not th only one who knew how t play piano. URGH, but im doing it not for them t hear, but God t hear! :D Chatted w _ on th phone for th 2nd time. And she's a funny girl who learns fast! (: Then they needed a jukebox again, so i was forced. What th heaven. Finally, lunch was ready, then i was drinking my coke all th way. I love turkey. Ate veryvery full. OHNO, diet again soon :( Chatted w _ again. Then she had t go :( But then we sang songs in th room. Ahha, my guitar! :D For God, all for God (: YAY! :D had miny praise and worship! :D ILOVEMYCOUSINS(: I learnt something this christmas. It isnt just th presents, its th thought that comes w it. I really had a fun time opening gfts, and it just proves that some ppl care more than others. Gifts do not need t be expensive, its th thought. (: And Christmas without Christ is just mas. Meaningless, we celebrate christmas because God gave His only child t us. I really think God is awesome! (: Tags another time, maybe th next post! :D How precious this moment, Lord i want You t know.

2008-12-22T20:18:00.000-08:00

/ Life's hard.

Okay, im grounded after Christmas and banned from using com like i do everyday. So say YAY. Im not even sure if i can go out w EGMOS and stuffs. My dad managed t let me go jap class. And ohgosh, its on saturday. Which means by sleep in plan is gone. So i have t wake up early everyday. Say YAY man.

Yesterday, went out w Bang4 first. Met Yanlin and she took so long. I practically waited for her for 20 mins. Then we walked t the bustop t wait for Mindy. She damn late loh. After our little fight about 197s and 147s. Both go Central okay. So we ate at Burger King, and im damn full. Then we sort of pangsehed Yueying t go centre. Sorry lah! :( Then i brought them t centre loh. And they asked me like so many questions. LOL. Reached there and luckily only 3 people there. Waited for ahma for like 10mins? Then we went up and see loh. So cool (: They tried spotting me in the sosmall picture of the musical last time. I couldnt even see myself. (: So it was unsuccessful. Then she finally okay. Went t PlazaSing and abandoned Bang4. Sorry. I saw something at PlazaSing, but im broke okay. And i have good self control.

Went t FoodCourt and AuntieSaylian's funny attempt t take th drink without th cap. So funny (: Just talked again loh. And then i started thinking about _, then i cry again :/ Ohlol. Very sad loh :( I didnt know why i was behaving liddat :/ Im guilty :( Talked for like 50mins? And after that, i told her _. Then i think she didnt get it. And i was like forget it.

Mrt-ed back. Then my 147 fly away before i got down th bridge. So follow her back t centre. Then i want t take MRT t Hougang Mall, but apparently, there were enough seats :( My Ruiqi pangseh me again. YEAP, SHE HAD T DO IT. Then reached there, I was smsing Brezzen, ShiEn and i forgot who. I think Gwen is cute! :DDDD SUPER CUTE CANN?! Minting and Xixi came, but they went t eat dinner, and nice me decided t wait for AuntieSaylian (: Then well,AuntieCassey and family went for dinner, but nice me decided t wait fr AuntieSaylian still, and i was enjoying th one person thinking process. Im not at all hungry. :( Went for dinner and she was lazy t take th escalator but it was so much faster. LOL. Went for dinner and then nothing t eat. The carrot and yam cake incident. My chinese not that bad :D I SAW TH PADDINGTON BEAR KIDDY RIDE AGAIN! (: If i was childish enough i sure go ride on it! :D So cute (: Went t change and my stupid band shirt was irritating. Zzz. It was so hard t button th thing, but my other shirt is so much easier. :/ AuntieSaylian done hers faster than mine. ZZZ. Went down, slacked and ILOVEXIXI (: So cute. (: Although my ahma got bullied by me. I was innocent okay?! Then b4 that, she dont let me take photos w her. Which is so totally sad. And then i started t think about something again :( Which is sad D: They forced me t stand in front for carolling because CherylJoyAlexis and Ruiqi didnt come. Which is so unfair cuz _is shorter than me. But Xixi is cute okay (: Which totally cheered me up (: Charlotte is funny too (: Went down and siamed ahma's camera. And she dot one uber disgusting pic of me :/ Okay, then i started poking her, and she's abit scared. Aiyoh, but she v strong leh. Went home and i made _ sad :( I didnt mean it okay. I thought she wouldnt take it seriously D: SORRY! D: but i still want t let you know that i really didnt mean it! :( SORRY MY DEAR D: Went home and got scolded by mum again. OHLOL. Went t sleep and i didnt feel good.

Woke up and mum didnt allow me t go bbq. GREAT. But then AuntieSaylian v happy :/ Couldnt go out w Ruiqi. It seems like my mum's after christmas banned from home plan has been brought forward D: Sosad D: But then went t library w Benjamin and my mum. I think my brother is cute. (: LOVEHIM <3>

Went home, talked on th phone, and ate early dinner. Rushed t meet Ruiqi, and her mum got lost when going Carmelite. So yeap, we abit late. Went in, followed Minting t toilet, came back and saw _ praying. She didnt look at all okay. Was quite worried, but didnt know how t ask her. Then later during carolling, i didnt feel okay :/ But after that okay alr. And apparently my parents didnt make it fr carolling tday, so th nuns were like asking, WHERE IS YOUR FAMILY. Ohgosh, so weird. And they reminded me of th pageant. GOSH :/ But i did have fun playing on th keybord (: Ahma is funny! (: 1 1 2 3 3 ! (: HEHHEH. (: But _ didnt look okay still. So i smsed _. And apparently she didnt know. LOL. But then _ didnt look okay :/ She didnt want t tell me what happen :(

So here's my shortshort thing t _. HEY, i know it isnt easy all th time t put on a facade everytime you need t. But well, life is like that. And though i have no idea why you're so sad, CHEERUP MANZC (: Remember what you told me? We all need a shulder t cry on, and just t let you know, (incase you dont) , im always there, 24/7 and free of charge okay? (: JIAYOU! (: Dont give up :D

2008-12-21T06:47:00.000-08:00

/ Crying does you no good.

Okay, th reason why i mia, is because, im sort of scolded and stuffs. So, im too lazy t post about wedding dinner, Cameron trip and other stuffs that happened. I am too tired alr =/

So today, let me give you another reason why im a failure. Firstly, lazy me didnt bother t practise organ, simply because my own grd5/6 thing is alr taking uo most of my time. So as a result, today i played like shitzc before mass. It isnt easy t look at notes when you slept at 3am th night before and your eyes is so blur from all th crying okay. I kept blinking and as a result, skipping notes. So, im not at all okay. Say YAY. Yeahright. And i didnt even know tday was my turn for tambourine okay. Im alr troubled enough w my organ. Then they come here tell me its my turn. So i ended up sounding like a failure again ._. So much for my dad lining up fr my for jap class, i could have done it myself. During mass, it was so bad, i was practically cursing t theo and ruiqi, and they werent helping much okay. I thought i was going t cry. But then still okay =/ which shows that i dont die that easily.

Then after that, i suggested t ruiqi that she could tell Auntie Agnes that she had a PHD, Permanent Hand Damage, then she dunnid play. _. I think im lame =/ And my grandma came for mass tday, as in my dad's side. But then i still think ruiqi did a great job on th organ! (: Way t go! (: Dont be a failure like me, cant go far derh =/

And ohyah, before i forget. congrats t Zikang, Jethro, Yuren Aiyah, all my kors lah! (: Its great t hear that y'all converted okay? (: Im really super happy, even though i couldnt make it t Hope that sat. Stay strong in your faith, God will use you mightily! :D And that Yonglin say he nvr convert. Ohlol.

So actually, we wanted t run off, but cant. So sat in auntie Cassey's car t centre. I think th place is really nice now (: I like th glass door (: Okay, we were th first few, aftr Peiyi and Daphne. So we koped th back seats. And then slacked and talked t them, then Dominic they all come. Slacked summore. Then well, okayokay loh. I also dunno what t say about praise&worship nowadays. But tday Charlottle one man show (: Great loh (: Just that th song reminded me about everything i didnt want t remember. So it was kinda bad =/ Say hello t my new friend NUMB, SAD, CONFUSED, DISAPPOINTED. Thats basically my mood all th time. I think im becoming worst loh =/ It was so totally numb tday throughout praise&worship. Ohlol. But we sang th same song in Hope too. Your Grace Is Enough (: Then i started thinking about something. Then i even more confused. LOL.

Then i think AuntieSaylian was funny. Net; Nets; NETS. Then worst was minting, ruiqi and me share one envelope, then we were so funny. But again, i didnt feel like laughing. Its hard to fake a smile, makes you extra tired. Talked t Uncle Raymond, i think he's funny. LOL, i gave him my blog URL, and he said so loud that auntie huihui heard, and i almost died. So yeap, my URL will be changing again, say YAY! Lots of teachers also come here, dknow come here for what. My life suck okay, so nothing pleasing for your eyes t see.

Then later i tried calling Yunyi t ask about smthing, but she busy. But i smsed those guys and they were funny, cheered me up a little. GAHHH. I stole cookies from a cookie jar. OHLOL.\
So, went home, slept awhile, then went visiting. I amazed by some people's faith and trust in God. Something which i cant do :(

Went for dinner, arranged tommorow's itinery. Im a busy girl. Meeting bang4 at Central first, then go opp t centre t meet auntie saylian. Lol, still maybe meeting bang4 at 5pm, if they're still there. Then go MRT meet ruiqi and theo, then escort them t hougang mall. Sing, then come back home t take scripts for the christmas play and carolling rehersal for home celeb. Memorise it and DIE.

And Band BBQ is th next day! (: But im missing carolling. So yeap, _ and _ can say YAY.

After that i'll be doing my hols homework. And im going jap class next year. Which proves that i cant go t Hope Church anymore. Say YAY t my schedule. And im 99% sure that band's gonna clash w malay. So say YAY t my sorting out of schedule. No time for other stuffs. =/ Its not easy okay.

/Too tired, too exhausted. I dont want t carry on.

2008-12-18T05:29:00.000-08:00

Ignorance, you cant ignore me forever.

I'll post about th trip another time okay, i got Bang4 outing t post about tday! (:

I was late tday, its the 1st time Yanlin earlier than me. So we walked t Yueying's house tgt, talked about really random stuffs, but i enjoy talking t her! (: Then met Yueying, she was late, as usual. Expected.

Went t Macs t wait for MindyWong t come. Chatted and talked, then Yueying showed us one stupid thing. Ohgosh. Then MindyWong finally came, thenshe had th most disgusting present. Thats for being late. But she loves it. (: Ate and Yanlin was th maid this time. She stained her pants w chilli sauce, because she carried too many plates at one time. (: Made fun of her and her stead. Had great fun. And comeon, the whole world knows i have no stead! (: Single is good! (:

Went t Vivo. Yueying couldnt go :( Then went there. And sat on th chairs t read my smses D: Sadsad, but well, they didnt read the private parts as i had 4034 smses, impossible t finish, say YAY! (: Then i treated them to Ban and Jerrys, because imma nice and sweet girl! (:

Went t top t open my presents! (: Thanks Yueying fr the keychain, Yanlin for the Stitch plushie and notebook and Mindy for the PIGGG and notebook! (: ILOVEBANG4! (: Then played truth or dare, i always kena D: Not fair. Then changed place cuz it was freaking hot. Played summore and sang, in other words, we were crazy but loving it.

I still love my pri school friends. Especially my clique! (: I'll never forget everything they've dont fr me. I thank God that they're the real true friends i've made and stood w me through every problem! (: And i pray that they'll be able t accept Christ one day :DDDDD

Went home w Mindy, and my shoe broke down D: Bought a super ugly slipper, i couldnt buy Ripples. Then i was angry and stuffs.

But then God still reminded me that i have t be positive. And im thankful that He provided me w the chance t have fellowship tday w bang4! :D We're celebrating christmas soon! :D And this year, i hope that Christmas will mean much more :D

2008-12-17T07:40:00.001-08:00

Because you didnt bother to care, im too disappointed.

I back from my trip okay? (: And so, i will only be posting about trip tommorow, im too tired now.

Im disappointed in you & you & you. But well, i cant say anything, and im sure you know you've hurt me too much to say anything. Just because you're a _ you think you can do anything, go around and hurt people. I dont think thats what a _ should do.

And im tired. Just here babbling about stupid stuffs. I DONT WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT KINDA LIFE AGAIN. Thinking about how much it hurt, i really dont want to :( And you have no right t tell me anything alright, dont come here and act so much. ._. Compare your own life t me, does your suck as much as mine? if it doesnt, then shut up. `Gosh, im vulgar ._.

E-M-O. How many people know what it stands for. So if you dont, dont come here and tell me that im EMO. Because you guys dont know anything and y'all have never gone through it.

Because im always th last t know. Because everyone thinks im not worth anything. I care alright, i know i havent been a nice person, but im starting to change okay. I am not that wuliao t go and find out things that are not related to me, but if it is, it wont hurt t tell me right?

Im veh drained out leh. So faith's running real low. Im veh tired, veryveryvferyvery tired. Emotionally. Spiritually, i dont see anything coming at all.

Flying without wings. I never felt so bad in a long time already.

2008-12-13T06:36:00.000-08:00

Because you were'nt there when i needed you th most.

Im off to Cameron tommorow manzc, miss me ): And i doubt the hotels have coms, so byebye till wednesday. I MIA from com, so yeapp D:

Today, woke up, packed, pianoed, and on com. (: I alwas kena scolded by mum, im turning to com ghost o.o

I spent 3o sms on Ruiqi to persuade her t go carolling. So thank me peepo. (: Gosh, im sounding like Christina. (:

Went t eat dinner w Ruiqi and her mum, then mrt-ed to Hougang, its quite a longlong trip, but i agree w Yunyi, Singapore is small! (: MP3-ed w Ruiqi and she knows like all the songs. But i still love my Hillsong and Casting Crowns manzc! (:

Reached Hougang, joked w my ahma (: And our new clique of course. Hey, i got NO stagefright this time (: Because God is with me! (: We started and the funny mike incident thing. Then started and i think it went well! (: Only my ahma never sing w us D:

After that just slacked arnd with ahma and Ruiqi, camwhored and i had fun! (: Too bad cant come tmr D: But nevermind lah! (: Th thing was i had fun! (:

有一天你若覺得失去勇氣
有一天你若真的想放棄
有一天你若感覺沒人愛你
有一天好像走到谷底
那一天你要振作你的心情
那一天你要珍惜你自己
那一天不要忘記有人愛你
那一天不要輕易說放棄
這個世界真有一位上帝
祂愛你祂願意幫助你
茫茫人海雖然寂寞
祂愛能溫暖一切冷漠
這個世界真有一位上帝
祂的雙手渴望緊緊擁抱你
漫漫長夜陪你走過
祂愛你伴你一生之久

Its in fan2ti3 lah, but try to read it okay? (: That was the whole thing on my mind today. Gahh, it made me think of _ immediately. But whatever it is, i hope you'll understand what im talking now, cuz alot of blanks ._. Ohlol.

This year can be just rounded up in a phrase "Terrible, but then you can choose to see those blessings in disguise" For my whole life, God has blessed me so much, in every aspect, but i just failed to see it. This year is like just so bad, as in what i went through because of _, _'s attitude, my studies and emotional stuffs. Hey its not what a normal 13 year old can take okay. I can assure you that. But then well, God has placed every obstacle in my life for a purpose and im thankful that He did it. Although its really too much. When no one could walk w me and i just hit a dead road infront, there was a light, shining through everything :D Then i realised i didnt treasure everything that i have. Borned into a Christian family, brought up in a christian environment etcetc. Then when i learnt that even teachers find me emotional, then when more and more ppl know abt the s*****g thing, i even more zibei. And well i didnt even dare to get any more closer to God, cause at the rate im sinning, its mad and out of control manzc. Then im sure all my frens think im gone case loh. But still, i must thank everyone who stood w me through eveything yeapp! (: Then _'s attitude to me started to be damn bad and my studies dropped and all stuffs, s*****g became a daily thing to keep my emotions in control, even i think i couldnt survive. Life was nothing but great, yeahright. But the thing is that, God's waiting to reach out t you, its whether you're willing. And the whole problem was, i was not willing at all ): Because im just a extremely emo girl that God will not waste His time on. But i was so wrong. When i decided to just open my heart and let Him in, it really was nothing but great! (: Why? Because when everyone gave up on me, He didnt. When everyone said i couldnt, He said i could. When everyone lost trust, He stood firm on His faith in me. When everyone thought i was no longer the smiling Beatrice they knew and left me, He stood with me through everything.
Hebrews 13:5 "Never will I leave you, Never will I forsake you" Because He promised me with His death on the cross, because He affirmed my faith. I trusted Him simply because He didnt forsake me when others did! (: Because the Holy Spirit affirmed me and told me that i could get out of everything. But when i started believing, it was not the situations that got better, it was the way that i choose to look at them that changed. Like _ said, Life is like a coin, there are two sides to everything. But then again, things started to change for the worse and then i didnt believe that much again. But God never gives up on me! (: He touched me again and made me realise that He is the only one that can give me what the world cant. He is the only one that can make me stop emo-ing and stuffs.

Choices are yours. I can choose and still me emo-ing over my life now, but the decision that i made a few months back changed me. We all have choices, abd its impt to make the right one. I ignored someone so important for 13 years of my life okay. And thats the least i can do now for that Someone, serve Him and love Him. I walked through what a normal teen wouldnt be able to. But i didnt make it myself, i made it with 1oo% love, trust, care and peace of my Lord God! (:

I just did a small testimony, my full testimony is personal lah, only selected people can hear(: I liked what someone told me last time( sorry i cant really remember, i think its VeraWong(: ) why look for testimonies of others, because everyone is a testimony of God. And now i say AMEN! (:

God is good, all the time! (:

weisiang must...link...xDjM...
Okayokay, will soon! (:

KIMBERLY HELLLLO! im tagging. ahaha. ;D
HEY! (:

mindy:] Haha yeah where ARE WE GOING?!
Hmm, you deleted your blog? Bugis? (:

Joey tagged. vivo soon
YAY! (: Look forward yeapp! (:

yanlin hey love! 18th alright! where are we going? miss you yeah! see you<3
missyou too! :( see you soon! (:

Amelia haha you're most welcome! anyway, i love your blogsong! My God is mighty to save! (: AMEN! (:

YIRAN YO HAPPY BDAY(:
Thanks! (:

joy happy birthday =]
XIEXIE! (:

kina happie bdae! sorry for such a late tagXP
No lah! (: Thanks! (:

KIMBERLY YO. HAPPYBIRTHDAY;D

Yo! (: Thanks! (:

bern./ linked btw. lalala.
bern./ Happy Birthday ;D

Thanks! (: i linked you too! (:

chongee happy birthday O.O
XIEXIE! (:

Amelia HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEATRICE! (: Enjoy this day when the Lord created you! Rejoice (: *SMILES* Im rejoicing! (: Thanksloads! (:

apple BEAT RICE! heh EARLY HAPPI BDAY! paiseh.im goin to sleep aft tagging this.abit early onli lar.dun mind rite?=p hoho.i help u talk to _tmr.=]

Thanks for counting down! (: Loveyou<3

VERA haha! Yah. VEGETARIAN COMING. VEGETARIAN COMING! see ya next year!
Not coming for band bbq?

peiqi tagged gagah!!
HELLOH! (:

KIMBERLY HAHA HELLO! ;D what happened to _ o.o how sickkkk. D:
Yahloh, he sick again D:

/& Christina ツ Hey. Yo. (: IloveMei. <3 HAHAHA. & you & Yunyi are friends alrd?
Yepp, she escorted me t Hope b4 !(: Lovejie<3

chongee quote : " not-so-funny-jokes" gah .how can like that say man >_>
okayokay, your jokes VERYFUNNY

Wangb can you tell me which class is louis in?
Wangb Hello
111! (: HEY!

KIMBERLY HELLLO! ;D im bored
Me too D:

DOREEN :D hahas sorry eh use same tag bleahs :] paiseh uh.
DOREEN :D hellooooooo >3 tagtagtagtag :] D: God lovesssssss youu (: and i like yr music ! :]]] wheeeeeeeee (:
HEY! (: No lah, nevermind. God bless you! (:

liqiang haha.ya lo.sian.but beatrice hor.spend alot money.shld learn to hold back abit. ): SPEND TOO MUCH LE!
Dont care lah, im liddat derh! (:

chongee haha . liqiang your blog also >_>
LOL! exactly!

liqiang lmao why got censorship so weird.
liqiang What! you calling me ****roach too.nono.
Thats my name for you! (: dont ask me, ask shoutmix.

wanping :D Hey girl, nth much to say but just to tag! Rawk on! HAHA yeah the font pretty small but still can see heh.
CHANGED ALR! (: Rawk on! (:

*just imagine my tags in orange! (: Im too bored to highlight alr.*

2008-12-12T07:34:00.000-08:00

Oh, so you dont know what its like to feel like a failure.

So today, woke up, then went for band. Slacked with Kimberly, Huishi, Edlind, Joy, Jiamin and Aloy! (: Had a really nice time w them! (: Then went up band room.

Sectionals were better this time. Vincent the monkey did not behave so much like a stranger. But i kept playing wrong note D: But better than last prac when i almost cry again. Lol. Then well, nothing much, i just love Kina! <3

Combined was not all that great. But thanks so much for the present cockroach! (: Appreciated manzc! (: Vincent the monkey is a random ad extremely pro guy ._. But when i see _
s face, i feel like crying, ohgosh D:

Then well, went home w Yiran and xDjM clique and Liqiang, Kimberly and Huishi! (: Funny bunch of people! (: Then later went w Kimberly to bus-stop! (: She same as me, and so is Jiamin! (: We slacked and gossiped and had quality time, i was so reluctant to leave when my bus came. Shall post Kimberly and me's picture another time! (:

I dont know why i am getting so _ over _. He's no one at all, maybe im just sorry for everything. But i really dont need to get so affected. Stupid me, he just doesnt know how it feels like to be a failure.

Confused, Angry, Amused, Sad. Which one should i choose?